Striking a balance between living for the present and future

Jack Waters recently wrote about how a drive to "set himself up" and optimise every part of his life made it hard to enjoy the present.

This is what readers had to say about finding the balance (and joy) in their own lives.

Striving for perfection

"My whole life has been about optimisation. In my 20s, I started exercising fanatically … in my mind I had to exercise every single day, and I remember 'having to go' for a run at midnight on a family holiday in Merimbula in the 90s instead of relaxing and going to bed.

I started journalling at 17 and still do it. It's like hoarding memories. It has spread to using my phone to video things instead of just enjoying the moment during concerts and on bushwalks.

I've always been a workaholic, a habit instilled in me by my parents, and I dislike taking time off. I work hard, not smart.

Five years ago, I started learning guitar and piano to fulfil a lifelong dream. That now consumes all my spare time, probably to no avail as I'm too self-conscious to play for anyone.

But I have missed hours of watching [TV] with my wife. I'm 60 now, and I am struggling with the thought of impending retirement, and I have serious trouble just enjoying experiences. It's got to the point where I'm wondering when the life I've been setting myself up for will start."

- Marc

"I was intensely focused on optimisation in my 20s.

I turned vegan and only ate whole foods, I stopped drinking, I tracked habits and had a rigid exercise routine. It all came tumbling down and ended in an actual mental breakdown.

I've recovered, but it wasn't without [professional] help.

Optimisation is at an all-time high, and I see articles about hacks, self-help books and the like on a daily basis. But I've never been more miserable than when I was trying to track my life.

Life is messy and beautiful and uncertain, and it would be great if we could lean into that more, which is why I ocean swim and started playing rugby union to recover."

-Kathleen

Discovering balance

"Jack's story really resonates with me as I am the same; unable to enjoy the present and rushing through, always thinking about the future. I would love to learn and understand what it means to live in the present rather than rush through my life."

- Christine

"I have recently been tossing up changing electricity providers and found myself thinking, 'This plan has a lower off-peak rate than I am currently on. If I shower at five, my hot water system should have reheated before seven and I will pay less electricity.' I knew that would put more pressure on me, so I didn't switch to that one.

I particularly struggle with exercise and food; it's all in or nothing. Balance is what I am trying to learn now."

- Sally

"I received my first cancer diagnosis at 30 and second diagnosis at 52.

I'm now 55, and while I thought for many years I would die early, I'm now faced with dying of old age.

For me, I try to make sure there's something joyful in each day, do things that help the present and future like exercise and eating well, prioritise activities that require health and mobility like trekking, and don't invest a lot in activities that might need 25 years to return the investment. It's a balance."

- Tanya

Living in the moment

"I spent my 20s living life in the moment and telling myself I'll let the future me worry about it.

I have had plenty of good experiences. I'm 32 now and have spent the last two years on personal development and optimisation. I'm feeling like I'm trying to make up for lost time.

There are so many things that I'm looking back on and feel like I could have done better, but hindsight is a beautiful thing.

Having a happy medium is a hard thing to accomplish.

At the moment, I'm at a place where I have left my old life behind, but I haven't fully achieved my life yet."

- Joshua

"I slogged through school and four years of a mathematics degree and programming, only to find no employment with it 10 years in. 

I've stopped saving and investing and learning, sick of the constant scheming to improve my future life. I went car-free, share housed, brewed beer, avoided ticketed events, saved $200,000 while house prices went up. 

Now I just spend my whole pay cheque enjoying my life, going to music festivals again and earning a wage less than I got in 2012. If I was a teenager again, I would consider myself reckless, but I had a go doing the right things, tried and failed the 'getting ahead' thing. Feel like I wasted 15 years of my life."