You be the judge: should my husband stop letting our cat drink on the kitchen counter?

It’s unhygienic. The cat will jump out of her litter box and on to the surface where we prepare food

I’ve been married to Tony for 10 years. We understand each other’s quirks, but he is a very intense person with many passions, and one of his passions is cats.

We have three cats, adopted from Brazil. Growing up, I was a dog person, but I also used to rescue stray cats, so I love them too. But Tony is obsessed.

We also had a dog, Jamie, but he died recently. He developed a digestive problem, aged 14, because he over-ate. He often ate the cats’ food, so we moved the cats’ bowls up on to the counter next to the kitchen sink to stop this. One cat, Juçara, got particularly used to eating and drinking up there.

Now the dog isn’t around, but Tony will still leave the water bowl on the kitchen counter. I find it unhygienic. Juçara will jump straight out of her litter box and on to the surface where we prepare food. It’s too much.

We moved recently and I said to Tony I’d like things to change and that we should start feeding the cats on the floor again. Tony said that was fine, but during the first week he still left Juçara’s food and water on the counter. I realised then that it had become a habit and an expression of how much he cares for this cat.

Tony also often lets all the cats eat on the table, and I don’t like that either. We live in an apartment, so the cats don’t go outside and are fairly clean, but there’s cat hair everywhere, even though we vacuum a lot. I’m not picky, but I’d like to reduce the amount of cat hair in my food.

Tony says Juçara won’t drink water from the floor any more and he’s worried about her. I think the cat could be trained: she would drink from anywhere if she was thirsty, but she has to be given the opportunity to change. Tony only left her water on the floor for three days before moving it back up to the counter. He has to try harder.

It’s funny, because Tony always says Juçara loves me more even though I am strict with her. Tony loves her, but she ignores him. Juçara is my bestie, but I need her off the countertop.

The defence: Tony

This is more about James wanting a tidy home than hygiene – he doesn’t like to see a bowl out of place

I realise I’ve started a bad habit and I don’t deny anything James has said, except his claim that he doesn’t like cats on our table: I think he finds it cute. I also find the sound of the cats drinking water very relaxing.

When the cat is drinking water, I’ll say to James: “Stop what you’re doing and just listen to her.” There are few things as relaxing as the sound of a hydrating cat. Only Juçara drinks water on the countertop. We can’t control that. Because James loves Juçara so much and she loves him, I think he should let it go. It’s a very small thing to concede.

If he can’t, I like the idea of putting water bowls in different places around our home. We did that in our previous place, but Juçara only liked drinking at a certain height. I don’t know why; it’s just her personality.

I am worried that she won’t drink at all if we only leave the water bowls on the floor. At the moment, Juçara will jump on to the counter and go to the sink to wait for her bowl of water, so I just give it to her. I got a special water fountain for cats, but I had to take it out of the apartment as James didn’t like the buzzing noise it made.

We’ve been leaving bowls on the counter for ages: this is only a problem now because we’ve moved to a new place, and I said I’d change my ways. But I think the issue is more about how James organises our home than hygiene. He doesn’t like to see a cup or bowl out of place; he’s much tidier than me. But this is only a bowl filled with water on the counter. It’s not a big deal, but he doesn’t like to see a bowl left out.

James is Juçara’s favourite, but she ignores me. I think that’s what love is: doing something for someone again and again even though it’s not reciprocated. James and I work in the same company, but I come home first and put the water out for the cat so he doesn’t see. I do the same in the morning at 7am, before James wakes up. I will always do this for Juçara and I will always defend her. If she needs me, I’m there.
Names have been changed

The jury of Guardian readers

While I support Tony’s pet care, cat hair in food areas is unpleasant. The home belongs to James too. Tony could try leaving the water on the floor longer, or commit to cleaning the kitchen counters more regularly.
Serrena, 31

Tony saying “There’s few things as relaxing as the sound of a hydrating cat” makes me want to be on his side. But I can’t agree to kitties on counters. I’m a cat lover, but the idea of them pawing around food preparation or dining areas is a cardinal sin. Tony has to concede.
Maddie, 28

Tony shouldn’t view himself as defending Juçara against James. They need to work as a team, and not have Tony sneaking about while James is asleep. Try properly with the water on the floor. Or if a raised location is important (it makes some cats feel safer), perhaps try a windowsill.
Imogen, 19

Cats on worktops aren’t ideal, but Tony tries hard to strike a balance – keeping Juçara content and James happy. When clever Juçara asks for a drink (and Tony’s love, clearly), a countertop bowl is fine. But once she’s done, the bowl belongs on the floor. Sharing the dining table is downright unnecessary.
Frank, 40

Tony, Juçara respects James because cats are fur-natical about hygiene. Give Juçara a chance to form some new habits, which takes at least a month. So put the water somewhere hygienic where she will not contaminate her loving owners with parasites!
Maria, 49

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