Culture must not force women back into abusive marriages

By  Francis Orieny

Subeditor, Gender

Nation Media Group

What you need to know:

• A disturbing video showing three men forcing a woman back to her abusive husband raises fresh questions about harmful traditions, family pressure and gender-based violence.
• Families should protect women fleeing domestic violence instead of using culture, marriage or family expectations to force them back into relationships that threaten their safety.

A disturbing video shared on social media recently depicted a woman being forcibly taken back to a marriage she had reportedly fled to escape violence. The incident is a harsh reminder that some cultural practices, when used to deny women their autonomy and safety, can become tools of gender-based violence.

In the video, three men are seen forcing the woman to board a motorbike, allegedly to take her back to her husband. According to claims accompanying the video, the husband had subjected her to repeated beatings, prompting her to return to her family home for safety. The husband allegedly followed her there and bribed her father, after which the three men, said to be her relatives, compelled her to return to him.

If the allegations are accurate, this was not a family dispute that should have been settled through coercion. It was a serious matter requiring protection, intervention and accountability. A woman who leaves a violent relationship should not be dragged back into it by relatives or anyone else.

One social media user who shared the video tagged the Directorate of Criminal Investigations and called for the incident to be investigated. He asked a question that should trouble every member of society: “Where is humanity?”

It is a legitimate question. How can relatives watch a woman who has allegedly fled violence being forced back to the environment she sought to escape? Where was their humanity? How can customs or family expectations be invoked to justify such treatment?

For decades, civil society organisations, government agencies and women's rights advocates have campaigned against violence against women. Yet incidents such as this show that enacting or changing laws and conducting public campaigns are not enough. Attitudes that tolerate violence, silence survivors or treat marriage as a permanent obligation regardless of circumstances must also change.

Culture should never be used as a shield for abuse. Marriage is not a licence for one person to assault another, nor should family or community members become enforcers of an abusive relationship. When traditions demand that a woman endure beatings, humiliation or threats simply because she is married, those traditions must be challenged rather than defended.

There is also a dangerous assumption that preserving a marriage is always more important than protecting the person in it. That thinking can have devastating consequences. A woman who leaves an abusive relationship may be making a difficult decision to protect herself and, in many cases, her children. Forcing her back removes that choice and can expose her to further harm.

At a time when concerns about violence against women and femicide remain high, society must take seriously every warning sign that a woman is in danger. The often-repeated reminder that a living mother, daughter, sister, niece, friend or aunt is better than a dead one should translate into action, not remain a slogan. If separation offers a woman a chance to live safely, it should not be treated as a failure or a disgrace. Instead, families should provide protection, counselling and practical support while allowing her to make decisions about her own life.

Children, too, suffer when violence is normalised within families. They can witness abuse, experience its psychological effects and grow up believing that violence is an acceptable way of resolving conflict. Communities consequently pay a wider price when abusive relationships are protected in the name of tradition.

The lesson from the disturbing video is clear: No culture should demand that a woman sacrifice her safety to preserve a marriage. Relatives should protect women fleeing violence, not return them to danger. And anyone who uses force to compel a woman back into an abusive relationship must be held accountable.

Tradition deserves respect only when it respects human dignity. Where culture becomes a weapon against women, society must have the courage to challenge it.