Dance Monkey v the NRL: did Tones and I really turn down $90,000 a minute because she hates her own song?

Emma, the NRL and Tones and I seem to be at war – but I can’t make sense of what’s going on.

I’ll try to catch you up. The Dance Monkey singer made headlines this week after it was leaked she’d turned down an offer to perform at next weekend’s NRL grand final. The rugby league boss Peter V’landys said negotiations broke down due to “artistic differences”, and some claimed it was because the Aria award-winning artist didn’t want to play her biggest hit.

Instead, the grand final will go ahead without pre-game entertainment, and V’landys has put $1m towards junior rugby league – an idea he’d been toying with for a while, he said. “Rather than giving a performer $90,000 a minute, we would prefer to give it to grassroots,” he said on Tuesday. “When you look at it realistically for 11 minutes, it’s not worth it.”

Wait – she turned down maybe $90k a minute because she hates her own song? I don’t love it either, but that’s a lot of money.

We don’t know exactly how much she would have been paid – but it’s definitely true that Tones and I, whose real name is Toni Watson, isn’t a fan of Dance Monkey, her ubiquitous megahit that spent 24 weeks at No 1 on the Aria charts. In 2022 she told Kent Small on the Nova Network that she “loathes” it, adding “a lot of the time I don’t want to sing it”. Ironic, for a song about the pressure to perform.

But according to her management, that isn’t the reason she turned down the gig. Regan Lethbridge of Lemon Tree Music told the ABC they were contacted about the show only three weeks ago, on 5 September; that “no deal had been signed or confirmed in writing”; and that Tones and I had “explored all avenues to make it work”, but had “a prior commitment with Macklemore” in the US.

Then the plot thickened further: we emailed the NRL, and they are refuting a lot of what her management said.

Wait, what?

Through a spokesperson, the NRL told us that discussions with Tones and I’s label Sony began well before the 5 September date cited by her management. They denied the claim that Tones and I were unable to perform because the request was too last-minute and she had prior commitments; and although they didn’t make a direct link between her allegedly refusing to play the song and the cancellation, they did tell us that her management made it clear that she wouldn’t play Dance Monkey.

And what did Tones and I’s team say to THAT?

Not much! Neither her label or management have responded to our increasingly unhinged requests for clarity. But this morning, Tones and I did share an Instagram post announcing three live shows in March 2027 (locations to be announced), with a cheeky aside “PSA: Will be singing all Songs.”

And the Macklemore prior commitment – what’s that about?

It’s an interesting side-plot to the story given the last few weeks that Macklemore’s had – but again, details are thin on the ground. The pair are friends and collaborated on the single Chant in 2022, and a week ago – when Ed Sheeran was doing a lot of fence-sitting – Tones and I posted a photo of her and Macklemore performing live together: “I am proud of you always, Ben”, she wrote, to which Macklemore replied, “Love you”.

Maybe they’re making music together? Maybe they’re just hanging out? We couldn’t find any show dates, and her management didn’t get back to us.

So no one will be playing before the NRL?

Tones and I did have a crack at suggesting some worthy replacements on Instagram on Tuesday, a diverse group including G Flip, Kaiit, Budjerah, Ruel, Baker Boy and Miss Kaninna.

Shannon Noll had a stab at it too: “Looking at all the legends that have played at the NRL GF!” he posted. “What About Me?”

But V’landys has made up his mind: “People will come to the game with or without it.”

So the mystery of what actually went down here remains somewhat unsolved …

It’s possible that everybody’s telling a little bit of the truth: that Dance Monkey may have been a problem in some meetings, but that Tones and I had her dance card full regardless. We may never know.