Tourists are avoiding York, my home town – but I know how to get them back

York may be falling out of fashion with tourists. The BBC reports January-to-June visitor numbers to my home town fell 8% compared with 2025, with visits to city attractions down by 17%.

This inspires a cocktail of conflicting emotions – selfish relief, a bit of huffiness (how dare they reject the birthplace of the Chocolate Orange and the KitKat?) and consternation. Slaloming through unpredictable, slow-moving tourist hordes in narrow medieval streets is far from my favourite activity (albeit probably good for my cognitive reserve), but tourists keep this city afloat. Our main economic activities in 2026 are “dressing up”, “tea and cake”, and “hen/stag night services (sub-categories: booze, kebabs, feather boas)”. This city runs on genteel treats and big, messy nights out: two things that are, yes, deeply incompatible. I wonder if that’s part of the problem – the bookshops, churches and scones crowd are put off by the inflatable-penis-toting, kebab-throwing party people, and vice versa – but most residents blame the £5-an-hour parking.

Anyway, time to work out – selflessly – how to increase footfall. New York has been having a moment recently (the World Cup, the Knicks win, a general optimistic buzz). Since they stole our name, why not steal their ideas? I’ll do my bit by shouting “I’m walkin’ here!” when someone stops dead in front of me to photograph a Viking handing out flyers.

We could also maybe Mamdani-fy our mayor, David Skaith. He’s already fairly online – let’s teach him Mandarin, get him to smile charmingly at more children and ask his team to work up some double entendres about filling potholes. And (with apologies to longtime supporter Richard Herring) York City FC needs more glamorous celebrity fans. I want paparazzi lurking outside the stadium Costa and stretch limos clogging the Park and Ride.

Then we need a banging tagline. I toyed with “York: so good they named a new one after it”. But I think we’re better off resurrecting the Yorkie Bar-inspired slogan that used to greet travellers on a billboard near the train station: “Where the men are hunky and the chocolate’s chunky”. Still true! Bring that back and surely visitors will follow.