Titilade Ilesanmi: Mothers, Having a Baby is Not a Deadline on Your Beauty

Let’s be honest with ourselves. Many women quietly carry a common belief after having children: “I don’t look the way I used to.” Your body may have changed; you might have gained weight, your stomach may look different, or your face may have altered. Along the way, you might start wondering: Am I still beautiful? Am I still attractive? Do I still look young?

Every woman’s experience is unique. Some women bounce back physically much quicker than others, while for some, the changes can be more pronounced. However, regardless of what happens to your body, there are important truths you need to hold on to. I know this because I have had to learn them myself.

For years, I struggled with my self-image. Eventually, I reached a point where I genuinely felt free. I began to love myself again. I took pictures without immediately searching for my flaws. I could look at my body without criticising every single part of it. I thought, “Finally, I’ve overcome this.”

However, over time, I noticed myself slipping back into old habits. I started comparing myself to others again and began to criticise myself once more. I wondered: how did I end up back here?

Then I realised something important: I had stopped encouraging myself. I had stopped intentionally reminding myself of the truth. And that taught me something: Getting free is one thing. Staying free requires you to keep reinforcing your truth. Think about your mind as a gate. Every day, things are trying to get through it:  Social media, People’s opinions, Cultural expectations, Beauty standards, comparisons, and your own past experiences. 

You cannot control everything that is projected at you. But you can decide what you accept as truth. And sometimes, you have to actively reject the things that are trying to redefine you. That is where these truths become important.

Truth 1: You were created beautiful by your Creator

Your body may change. Your face may change. You may age. You may have stretch marks, scars, weight gain, acne, or other things you wish were different. But none of these changes your Creator’s intention when He made you. You were created by God, and you were not created by accident. Your beauty cannot be reduced to one body type or one stage of your life.

Truth 2: Motherhood does not cancel your beauty

Having children may change your body. But it does not mean you have become less of a woman. You can be a mother and still be beautiful. You can be a mother and still be attractive.

You can be a mother and still dress well, take pictures, take care of yourself and enjoy your femininity. Motherhood added something to your story. It did not erase you.

Truth 3: Your body does not determine your value

This is one I have had to remind myself of repeatedly. My body does not determine my value. My body shape does not determine my purpose. My appearance does not determine whether I will succeed at what God has called me to do.

I can want to lose weight without hating myself. I can exercise without punishing my body. I can dress beautifully without believing that my clothes determine my worth. Taking care of your appearance and finding your identity in your appearance are two completely different things.

Truth 4: You have to keep speaking over yourself

This is the part I personally missed. I stopped speaking. I stopped reminding myself. I stopped reinforcing the new way I had learned to see myself. And the old thoughts slowly started finding their way back in. So now, I intentionally remind myself of who I am. I don’t say these things because my creator needs to hear them; I say them because I need to hear them.

In conclusion, Mama, you have to be intentional about what you allow to shape the way you see yourself. And if you have been struggling with how motherhood has changed your body, I want you to know this:

You are allowed to care for your body. You are allowed to want to look good. You are allowed to enjoy being feminine. You are allowed to take pictures. You are allowed to celebrate yourself. But don’t hand your identity over to your body. You had a baby. You did not lose your beauty. And the next time society tells you who you should be, remember that you have a gate. Guard it. Speak over yourself.  And keep choosing the truth.