El Jalapeño: Guest who said ‘bueno, ya me voy’ at 9:14 p.m. reaches front gate at 1:37 a.m.

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MEXICO CITY — Local resident Eduardo Ramírez made significant progress toward departing a dinner party Thursday night, successfully reaching the host’s iron front gate at 1:37 a.m., roughly four hours and 23 minutes after executing his opening farewell statement at 9:14 p.m.

According to witnesses, Ramírez, 34, began the departure protocol by standing up, patting his knees, and uttering the traditional phrase “bueno, ya me voy.” The action immediately triggered a standard defensive maneuver from the host, who insisted that leaving before sampling a freshly brewed pot of café de olla and a final slice of flan would constitute a breach of basic hospitality.

“I made the tactical error of standing up while still within three meters of the dining table,” Ramírez later explained, noting he had then been trapped in a deep conversation regarding a distant cousin’s apartment renovation. “Once the host offered the second coffee, I knew my projected arrival at home was no longer possible.”

Ramírez’s exit operation hit several predictable logistical bottlenecks. Between 10:15 p.m. and 11:30 p.m., for example, he entered the mandatory individual farewell round, which required separate physical goodbyes, three distinct inquiries into the health of extended family members, and a full exchange of local news with each of the 12 attendees.

The situation further stalled at 12:45 a.m. near the hallway mirror, when a chance comment about upcoming weekend plans prompted a 45-minute debate on optimal driving routes.

Ramírez was last observed with his hand on the front door handle, locked in a crucial discussion about a reliable mechanic while his host held open the front gate to ensure he did not leave without taking some leftovers.

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