Below Deck Med 11 recap: head injuries

Below Deck Mediterranean season 11 episode 17 wanted to move past the Nathan/Gael vs. Joe confrontation in the van, and so do I.

There is something instructive about how seeing Nathan and Gael play happy couple, and realizing we can never know what’s going on in a relationship between two people.

Then again, it’s terrifying knowing what’s coming, considering what we’ve seen from Nathan over the seasons. He didn’t have to punch Joe to be scary and threatening. Joe’s interview monologues can be insufferable, but I believed him when he compared Nathan to Joe’s abusive, alcoholic dad, saying, “When Nathan gets angry and aggressive and in me face, it’s triggering.”

Nathan’s sudden demand for Joe to not be silent went nowhere until Captain Sandy told Joe to confront Nathan because “resentments build up if you don’t.” And so does the likelihood you won’t be cast again if you don’t fight on screen, so get your shit together, Joe!

They talked, and then Nathan, with that shit-eating grin he cannot get off his face this season, told us he thought what Joe said was “fucking bullshit.”

According to Nathan’s text to Gael, he and Joe agreed to finish the charter “and then never work together again.” And Nathan’s made good on that promise by going on the lam.

In happier news on the Good Ship Sandy, it’s the final charter! And ending this season is yet another gaggle of gays. Tristan Schukraft, the owner of The Abbey in West Hollywood, showed up along with:

1. Tristan’s friend, Cory
2. Tristan’s fiance
3. Tristan’s boyfriend
4. Tristan’s boyfriend
5. Tristan’s boyfriend
6. Tristan’s boyfriend
7. Tristan’s boyfriend

Cooper wanted to know if numbers 3 to 7 were all fucking each other or just Tristan, which is a good question. I was trying to figure it out based on who was giving each other little kisses, but they all looked so much alike I gave up. I guess Tristan has a type.

My favorite description came from Joe, who learned they each wear a ring with a GPS tracker, which may have been a joke but also didn’t seem like one. “I thought this was a normal seven-person polygamous relationship,” Joe said. “But no: it’s psychotic.”

That’s the kind of representation I love: polyamory, whatever! Stalk your boyfriends? You suck!

They’re also the perfect kind of mildly annoying, complaining about the condition of the yacht, and demanding protein at all times because I guess someone read an article—wait, ha, no—someone saw a TikTok and now they think they have to consume a cow a day.

When they demanded “all protein, right? We don’t need carbs,” Joy told us her plan was to “overall with protein—even though the body cannot process that much protein.”

They ate again at 3:03 a.m. and demanded “more protein,” but sandwiches with chicken were all chef Joy left for them. As this is not old Below Deck where you wake up the chef and/or start a fire in the oven, Gen just gave them a handful of protein bars, and that did the trick. An hour later, they went to bed at 4:18.

Question: How does a person manage six relationships and stay up until after 4 a.m.? I have three cats and a loving husband and as I type these words it’s 8:17 p.m. and I’m ready for bed.

And yet despite seven people to play with, they were still, in Massi’s words, “horny as fuck,” and did shots off of Joe and Cooper. I’m not a body shot expert, and the camera was kind of fall away, but I think the charter guests were just licking Joe and Cooper’s torsos? Does sweat on the bodies of people who’ve been working all day count as protein?

They were so horny they tried to add a sixth boyfriend. “We share everything. We want to share you too,” one of them told Cooper. Cooper said, “If only I swang that way! Just for Joe.”

When they were out on a mini-excursion, Cory pretended to be drowning, and Joe dived in to go give him fake mouth-to-mouth, but instead smashed his face into a rock.

On the boat, Vitor ran fast toward the slide and lacerated his forehead on the piece of plastic that’s supposed to keep people from flying out the top. Sandy called for the medic, who must be the production’s medic, right? And is on standby or always on the follow boat?

I was really hoping he would wrap up the guy with the same toilet paper mummy costume that he put on the broken shoulder guest.

But those weren’t the only head injuries. “Did she get possessed by a zombie?” Joy asked about Gen, who was flitting around the boat with glee. She was expressing gratitude, being helpful, and declaring how much she understands gay people (“they demand a lot, they want a lot”).

And all of it was a big act. “I want to prove everyone wrong—so yeah, I might as well play their little game of being a fake bitch,” Gen told us.

But then, Gen’s small heart grew three sizes that charter! Acting happy made her feel happy! And then when Aesha gave her the tiniest compliment in the world, the sky opened up and angels sang hallelujah! “Now I’m getting the recognition I deserve,” said Gen, the person lying to everyone.

A few other possible boyfriends for Tristan:

• Joy: “Why can we not just have peace things? Massi: “Because nice things are boring, darling.”
• Captain Sandy celebrated 36 years sober. Amazing! On the occasion, Aesha gave her a little necklace with a charm that said 36 and had an anchor—because Sandy is such a drag at parties? I’ll see myself out.
• Cooper is waiting to dump Kat until the last night out, apparently. “I don’t really want to have that conversation,” he said.
• “How many chicken live in Dubrovnik?” Joy asked when trying to source protein. “I need them all.”
• Luke sent a video to Joy saying that, at dinner, he saw “delicious vegetables on the plate” and that “made me think of you.” What a charmer. And how coincidental, because delicious mayonnaise splattered all over a tablecloth makes me think of you, Luke. Can’t believe the season is going to end with the producers manufacturing a reunion with Joy just to try to trigger Gen.

All of reality blurred’s content is independently selected, including links to products or services. However, if you buy something after clicking an affiliate link, we may earn a commission. Learn more.