How I lost my pregnant wife two days after terrorists killed my dad – Grieving husband

Isaac Num, a native of Apaku in Katsina-Ala Local Government Area of Benue State, narrates to NAOMI CHIMA how his pregnant wife died two days after his father, Joseph, was killed by suspected bandits

Can you walk us through what happened to you?

I lost my father to some suspected Fulani men and, two days later, my wife, who was eight months pregnant, died in a motorcycle accident.

Please, accept my heartfelt sympathy. How did it happen?

Apaku in Katsina-Ala Local Government Area shares a boundary with Taraba State, and we have been having issues with some Fulani people who used to come through Taraba State to attack us.

The attacks were getting close to Apaku village, so I told my father to move to where his sister was married in Ukum Local Government Area, also in Benue State. We are originally from Katsina-Ala, but as the attacks drew closer to our village, my father moved to Ukum, where his sister lived.

The village where my father was staying was called Abodjo. On Sunday, August 16, the same Fulani men left our area in Katsina-Ala and went to attack Ukum Local Government Area, where my father was staying.

Early that Sunday morning, they attacked the village and killed many people. They also burnt houses and killed people on the roads and inside their homes. My father tried to escape and hid in a church, but they found him and killed him there.

After killing people and destroying houses, the attackers left without any security personnel confronting them. It was later in the afternoon that security personnel came from the Ukum Local Government headquarters. Mobile policemen arrived and began identifying the dead bodies. They moved some of the bodies to the local government hospital and other places.

They searched for my father from that afternoon into the evening, but they could not find him. That Sunday morning, I was at home when I saw a post on Facebook saying that a village in Ukum Local Government had been attacked by Fulani men.

I immediately called my father. Someone picked up his phone and was speaking Hausa. I speak Hausa, so I tried to communicate with him. The person told me that he had killed my father and that I should come and pick up his body, but I did not believe him.

What was your reaction when he told you he had killed your father?

At first, I thought maybe my father had escaped and that the phone had simply fallen into the person’s hands. So, I did not immediately believe that my father had been killed.

The security personnel continued searching for my father, and at about 8 pm that evening, they discovered his body in the church, alongside the body of another person.

As I am talking to you, the Fulani man is still using my father’s phone and phone number. My elder brother was informed that they had found my father’s body. The following day, Monday, we went there with some security men, picked up my father’s body, and took him back to our local government, Katsina-Ala.

Even when the security men came that afternoon and searched everywhere, they could not find my father. So, I was still hoping that he was alive. Even though the Fulani man said he had killed my father, I thought he was lying.

When I finally heard that my father had been killed, I felt very bad. I was disappointed with the Nigerian government because it could not protect its citizens. I cried throughout that night.

Tell us about your father and the bond you shared.

My father was a good man. He was a tailor and a farmer. We had a good relationship as father and son. I am the second-born of the family.

My father was 69 years old. I knew he would die someday, but not this soon, and definitely not at the hands of Fulani terrorists. I miss him so much as a father. Most times, he used to advise me. He was the person I could always turn to, but now there is nothing like that.

What is one of the things your father taught you that has helped you in life?

My father taught me how to endure. I know he was the kind of person who had anger issues. He was hot-tempered, so he trained me to control my anger. He had the experience already, so he told me many things about his anger. He told me, “You, as my son, control your anger. It will help you at all times.”

That was what my father taught me because he himself was hot-tempered. So, he taught me how to control my temper. That is the most important thing I learnt from him, and it is helping me.

Two days after losing your father, you also lost your wife. What happened?

My wife was in Lagos with me, and she was heavily pregnant with our second child.

During her first pregnancy, she gave birth through a Caesarean section. For the second pregnancy, I asked her to come home and deliver near her mother or my mother because both of them were still alive. That was why she came home.

On Wednesday, August 19, I called her and asked her to go to the market to buy some foodstuff so that when I arrived, we could go to the village. We were planning to bury my father on Saturday.

But on her way to the market, the motorcycle she was riding on was hit by a man who was driving against traffic, or “one way.”

The man hit the motorcycle carrying my wife, and she was taken to a hospital. Unfortunately, she died there that same Wednesday, August 19.

I left Lagos on Wednesday, but I could not get home that same day. I arrived on Thursday morning, and that was when I found out that my wife had died the previous day on her way to the market.

How did you find out that your wife had died?

I was calling her that night because I wanted to tell her that the vehicle I boarded had developed a problem and that we were going to sleep on the road. I wanted to tell her that I would see her the following morning.

Someone picked up the call and said my wife had left her phone charging in his room because there was a problem with the light. He told me to wait until the following morning. The next morning, I called her repeatedly, but nobody answered.

I arrived around 6 am or 7 am. My sister called me and told me to come to her house. When I got there, she told me that my wife was the person who had been admitted to the hospital.

When I got to the hospital, I saw many people. Some elderly men told me that my wife had been involved in an accident and that my baby was in critical condition.

• Five die, 40 injured as bus carrying Dutch tourists crashes in Switzerland
• Four police officers, seven civilians killed in Benue community attack
• Benue blockade: Why Obi’s supporters, security didn’t retaliate — OK movement

When I entered the hospital and saw my baby, I started crying. I did not know what to do. I tried, but there was nothing I could do.

According to them, my wife died about 30 minutes after she was rushed to the hospital. They said she was still talking well, although one of her arms was broken.

What did the doctor say?

I met the doctor who attended to her. She said that when my wife was brought in, she first checked the baby and found that the baby was already dead. She was trying to stabilise my wife before they would operate to remove the dead baby.

What happened to the baby, your firstborn?

The baby was seriously injured, but no bone was broken. There was no fracture or dislocation. The baby only sustained injuries.

My father had already given the unborn baby a name. He was praying for me to have a baby boy, and he was very excited when we told him the baby’s gender. We knew it would be a boy.

She was supposed to give birth around September 14, 15, 16 or 17. The first scan gave the 14th, while the second scan indicated the 17th. So, we were expecting the baby between the 12th and 20th of September.

How are you coping with losing your father and wife within a few days?

It is not easy. Looking at my wife in the mortuary, I was saying, “We spoke yesterday (Wednesday) morning.”

Then I went to see my daughter at the hospital. After we finished there and were coming back, my daughter was crying and calling, “Mummy, Mummy, Mummy.” I could not control myself. We both cried. Even now, as I am talking to you, I still feel the pain in my heart.

What do you miss most about your wife?

I am a person who lives a simple life.

I do not know much about tradition, but my wife knew a lot about tradition. There were things I wanted to do, and she would say, “No, don’t do this. It will not favour us. This tradition is not right,” and so on.

I think she was more experienced in life than me. She had a lot of experience.

I went to Lagos very early and was not that experienced in terms of life experience. So, I would always go to her before doing anything. But now, I don’t know where to start.

I met my wife in 2020. We dated for several years before we got married. We had our traditional marriage and were supposed to mark three years of marriage on August 22.

She had a baby girl with me, and she was pregnant with our second child. She was supposed to deliver that month. In fact, that was what took her home.

How old was your wife?

My wife was born on January 20, 1994.

How old are you?

I am 39 years old.

What about your daughter?

My sister is taking care of her, but I want to hand her over to my mother-in-law because she says that if I take my daughter away from her, she may not survive it. At least, my daughter will be a source of consolation to her.

My daughter is two years old. My wife was the only child of her mother. My mother-in-law did not have any other child apart from her. So, I married an only child.

My mother-in-law is with her husband, although she is old and cannot have any more children. Now that my wife is dead, my daughter is the only child she has.

How is your mother-in-law coping with the loss?

It is not easy. She has been hospitalised twice, but she is getting better now.

How is your mother coping with the situation?

My mother is trying her best. She has many children, and some of them are still consoling her. My mother had eight children. One died, so there are seven of us now. All of us are adults.

You have described the attackers as Fulani men. Are they bandits?

They are not bandits; they are Fulani. They do not kidnap. They attack, kill people, and take over the village. That is all.

Have you buried your father and wife?

We were supposed to bury my father on Saturday, August 22. I found out that my wife had died on August 19, so I decided to bury the two of them on the same day.