Traitors New Blood gave us a full episode—full of WTF? decisions

“What the fuck?” Niyyah asked Joe after he admitted he was a traitor and ended her Traitors: New Blood game by throwing her an apple.

What the fuck indeed. Traitors are suddenly allowed to reveal themselves as traitors? Joe did this in a fake coffin maybe 20 feet from all the other players, leading to a potentially audible reaction from Niyyah, who everyone was about to learn was out? And he did that right after being the most obvious traitor ever with his apple circus act?

Then again, it wasn’t obvious to everyone. “If I clocked that, then I’m a mastermind,” Victor said. And of course, he was right, and figured out the exact task and two of the traitors from their attempt at it.

They Victor then declared his target was Tomica. Was her at-the-fridge question really less suspicious than Joe’s applesauce factory? To target the only remaining Black woman and not the highly suspicious white guy is highly suspicious.

Meanwhile, Abby L. was still stuck on Wyatt (!). I feel for Abby and her terrible observations—after all, we have far more information than the players do—until she told Joe what Victor told her: “He thinks it’s you.”

Tomica and Katie wanted to target Michael to deflect the heat on Tomica. I thought for a second that they should throw Joe to the Faithful as a sacrifice. Why not Jay, who a third of the players were ready to vote out at the previous roundtable?

By the way, where was Jay this episode? Also, who is Ben? Why is the editing on this season so bad, other than trying to cram an episode into 42 minutes?

At the roundtable, I was shocked at some of the strategy/honesty, which I guess is what we get with new reality TV stars, instead of experienced reality TV stars and/or actual celebrities (on Celebrity Traitors UK):

• When Victor accused Tomica of offering apples when there weren’t any in the fridge, she pointed the finger right at Joe! “You ate an apple,” she said.
• Abby L. laid out her case against Wyatt, which involved him “trying to create a defense,” and Wyatt said “I don’t understand it.” Me neither.
• Michael’s defense against the accusation that he’s too calm and cool was that he’s a lawyer, and that his fellow players were idiots: “I could have lied and said I was a hairdresser,” he said, and “y’all would have fell for it.”
• Michael’s defense about why he wasn’t shaken was about how he’s used to being targeted as a gay man, saying, “I’m good; I’ll never be shaking.”

Michael was banished, including by his fellow gays. Ever the dramatic lawyer, he used the moment: “I am the only person in this castle who knows exactly how to get away with murder,” he said. “Everyone who voted for me tonight: I’ll see you court. Because I’m a faithful.”

Victor noticed how “Tomica went straight to Joe” at the roundtable, solidifying his theory. And it is very cool to see someone be so right! But he’s also losing his mind over everyone else’s failure to see it—and Joe’s gaslighting didn’t help/may have been the only smart thing Joe did.

“Thanks for making me fatter than I already am,” Joe said, explaining that he was avoiding fruit, and Victor was like, “No. I saw what I saw.”

We got a few seconds in the turret, where Tomica wants to kill Victor? The person who pointed right at her? What?!

Is everyone this bad at the game or is the editing so condensed and choppy that we’re getting a really clunky version of nuance?

One thing to celebrate: This was a full Traitors episode after last week’s abomination, which was a pamphlet, not an episode.

And the mission, while truncated and not featuring anything that mattered in the game like shields, was a fun few minutes. It was this season’s version of telephone, this time in the form of heads in jars screaming that needed to be matched with screams from graves.

Oh, and the heads? Parvati Shallow, Bob the Drag Queen, Dorinda Medley, Maura Higgins, Rob Mariano. Perfect.

Maura’s scream sounded like the noise she made when she learned Rob was a traitor. Bob’s sounded like an orgasm—or, as Ben said on network TV to Bob, “Are you getting murdered or is something else happening?”

The screaming was funny and ridiculous, and Alan Cumming, charming as always, was great TV as he reacted to all of this. He looked into the camera and said, “This is one of those days when you think: What the hell’s going on in my life?” I wonder if he’s thinking that watching this group of players attempt to navigate this game.

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