Online dating in Kenya: Red flags that could signal scammers

By  Kamau Maichuhie

Gender Reporter

Nation Media Group

What you need to know:

• Experts reveal the warning signs and precautions that can help Kenyan dating-app users avoid romance scams. 
• Fast-moving relationships, fake profiles and small money requests can signal a romance scam, they warn.

Nearly three in 10 Kenyans who use dating apps have run into an attempted scam, according to research by TransUnion. More broadly, over 80 per cent of Kenyans say they have been targeted by digital fraud through their phones at some point. Kenya sits second in Africa, tied with Namibia, for the share of citizens who fall victim to this kind of con.

Most people who date online already know this from experience: the space that has made it easier to meet someone new has also made it easier for scammers to find their next target. Some spend weeks building what feels like a real relationship before asking for money, gifts or personal details. Women get targeted more often, though men are not immune.

We spoke to two experts about the warning signs and what to do if something feels off.

Watch the pace

Polycap Oliver Oluoch Ochieng, a computer scientist, cybersecurity expert and a partner at Techrise, says the first thing to watch is how fast things move. Someone professing love within days, before you have even spoken on a call, should give you a pause.

He also flags reluctance to video-call or meet in-person. “Be it 'I have a broken camera' or 'I'm deployed overseas,’” he says, people who avoid seeing you tend to have something to hide.

Genuine daters, he says, can talk about their lives consistently—their job, their age, and their family—without the details changing. A profile that looks too polished is another sign. Think of a handsome man photographed on an oil rig with an impressive title attached. “If the photos are all professional and there are no casual selfies, no photos with friends or family, or no variation whatsoever, it is a silent red flag,” he says.

Scammers tend to push the conversation off the dating app fast, onto WhatsApp or Telegram, where there is no built-in reporting feature to fall back on. If you want to check whether a profile is real, he suggests a reverse image search. Most fake accounts use photos stolen from models or influencers online.

Real accounts tend to have some history and activity behind them, while fake ones are often freshly created with almost nothing on them. And pay attention to how the person behaves day to day. Real people misspell things, get irritated, and contradict themselves occasionally. An account that never slips up anywhere is worth a second look.

The money always starts small

According to Polycap, scammers rarely go for a large sum straight away. It usually begins small: airtime or a small loan to see whether you will say yes. Once that works, the requests grow, often tied to a sudden emergency.

“If someone asks for any amount of money, whether for medical emergencies, travel costs to finally meet you, or a guaranteed crypto investment, then it is time to end the conversation,” he says.

Take it slow, says the relationship coach

Nairobi-based relationship life coach Benjamin Zulu takes a similar view, though from a different angle. He is not against meeting people online, but he thinks it should be a starting point, not the whole relationship. “I would not tell anyone to totally avoid online in looking for love. However, they should use a simple rule where they use online for hookups and lookups but then meet physically to build long-standing relationships,” he says.

For Zulu, unwillingness to meet in-person is one of the clearest signals that something is wrong. “If you note that there is no willingness from one party to meet soon, then you should be worried and run for your life. In a scenario where both parties are searching for genuine love, meeting should automatically generate mutual interest since what both need is love,” he says.

He warns against judging someone purely on looks, since appearances can mislead, and cautions people who are healing from a past heartbreak against oversharing that vulnerability online as it can make them an easier target. Dating out of desperation, he adds, tends to lead people straight into a scammer's hands.

Zulu also describes something he calls a “scamming hybrid”, a person running more than one relationship at once without either side knowing. One small tell, he says, can be a phone that always seems to be dying whenever the person shows up. “Like the phone always not being without a charge whenever he comes to your place or meet,” he says.

On money, he is blunt: Genuine love should not cost anything. “Be it in online or offline dating, people should learn to be stingy. Before you marry someone, it is not your responsibility to help them out. Let their relatives come to their aid. And if you must support them, then give what does not disrupt your finances. Give them pocket change and never take a loan or use your savings to give to people you meet online,” he says.

A few basic precautions

Video call before you get emotionally invested, it is much harder to fake a live conversation than a photo. If you do agree to meet, pick somewhere public and tell a friend where you will be. Do not rush into declaring feelings; let things develop at their own pace. And hold back personal details like your home address or ID number until you actually trust the person, regardless of how convincing their story sounds.

Why so few people speak up

Nobody has a full national picture of how many people are affected by romance scams, largely because so few victims come forward, shame and stigma keep most cases quiet. What data does exist comes from a mix of international research bodies, cybersecurity firms and the Directorate of Criminal Investigations. Even with the scale suggested by the TransUnion figures, the Association of Fraud Examiners Kenya estimates that only 15 per cent of romance scam victims ever report to police.

To report a suspected scam, contact the DCI toll-free hotline, anonymous reporting: 0800 722 203 or Police hotline: 999, 911 or 112.