‘Not going to allow our baby to be thrown into the river’: Sonia Gandhi recalls death of her firstborn in memoir

Senior Congress leader Sonia Gandhi recounts the heartbreaking experience of losing her first child in her recently released memoir, Belonging: A Journey of Love.

In the book, Gandhi recalls how the Gandhi household was filled with joy in September 1968 when she announced her pregnancy. Even Indira Gandhi, who was usually stern, displayed rare affection as she embraced her daughter-in-law and exclaimed, “One big baby having another baby!” However, the happiness was short-lived, The Times of India reported.

On January 18, 1969, Sonia gave birth to a premature baby, two months before her due date. Although the couple was initially overjoyed, the family was soon devastated by the news that their newborn had died.

Recounting the deeply personal tragedy publicly for the first time, Gandhi wrote that her husband, Rajiv Gandhi, and brother-in-law, Sanjay Gandhi, buried the baby at Feroze Gandhi’s farmhouse in Mehrauli.

'We fell in love with him immediately'

Gandhi recalled the moment she first saw her newborn son, describing him as a tiny but perfectly formed baby.

“I heard the baby's first cry as he was placed in the incubator. Later Rajiv took me to see him, a tiny, perfectly formed boy, with thick, black hair and long, slim fingers. We gazed at him together, Rajiv's arm around my shoulder. We fell in love with him immediately.”

She added that doctors had already warned Rajiv Gandhi that the newborn had slim chances of survival. The baby died the following morning at 6:30 am.

She further wrote, “With Amie Aunty beside him, he broke it gently to me when, at 6:30 in the morning, the end came. 'No, it was not possible! Why, why,’ I kept asking. Both of us were shocked and heartbroken; we held each other tight. I cried my heart out, and Rajiv, in spite of his ‘stiff upper lip’ upbringing, also wept copiously.”

Indira Gandhi rushed to the hospital

According to the memoir, Indira Gandhi, who was then the Prime Minister, cut short her tour and rushed to the hospital to be with the grieving couple.

Gandhi recalled, “She embraced us, her eyes red and swollen, and sat with us for a long time. She wanted to remain with us, she said, but had to complete her tour engagement. She left early the next morning, full of sorrow: She, too, had so looked forward to the happy event.”

Sonia Gandhi opposed the traditional last rites

Following the baby's death, the family faced the difficult question of how to perform his last rites. Gandhi wrote that, according to Hindu tradition, newborns are not cremated and are usually immersed in a river. However, she was unwilling to accept this practice for her child.

“No,’ I whispered. ‘No matter what, I'm not going to allow our baby to be thrown into the river.’...’No, I couldn't do that to my baby, no matter how sacred the river was,’ I said, breaking into sobs. How could I consent to do something that seemed to me so alien and heartless to my tiny child, already deprived of his chance to live?”

Gandhi reportedly recalled a disturbing sight from her past that reinforced her opposition: the body of a swollen man trapped near the Okhla barrage, while stray dogs tried to pull it out.

'The venom of those words scarred my heart'

The loss left Gandhi depressed and struggling with feelings of guilt. Her grief was compounded when a right-wing opposition newspaper published an article with the headline, "Indira Gandhi failed in her attempt to become the grandmother of a bastard child."

Recalling the impact of the article, she wrote, "The venom of those words scarred my heart. How could people be so cruel? What had I done to deserve such malice? The hurt caused by that spiteful comment added to the heartbreak of my loss and to my feeling of inadequacy."

Gandhi announced her next pregnancy in October 1969 and gave birth to Rahul Gandhi on June 19, 1970.

About the Author

Swati Gandhi is a digital journalist with over four years of experience, specialising in international and geopolitical issues. Her work focuses on foreign policy, global power shifts, and the political and economic forces shaping international relations, with a particular emphasis on how global developments affect India. She approaches journalism with a strong belief in context-driven reporting, aiming to break down complex global events into clear, accessible narratives for a wide readership.<br><br> Previously, Swati has worked at Business Standard, where she covered a range of beats including national affairs, politics, and business. This diverse newsroom experience helped her build a strong grounding in reporting, while also strengthening her ability to work across both breaking news and in-depth explanatory stories. Covering multiple beats early in her career has helped her be informed about her current work, allowing her to connect domestic developments with wider international trends.<br><br> At Live Mint, she focuses on international and geopolitical issues through a business and economic lens, examining how global political developments, foreign policy decisions, and power shifts impact markets, industries, and India’s strategic and economic interests.<br><br> She holds a Bachelor’s degree in English (Honours) from the University of Delhi and a Master’s degree in Journalism and Mass Communication from Guru Gobind Singh Indraprastha University. Her academic training has shaped her emphasis on precision, analytical rigour, and clarity in writing. Her interests include global political economy and the intersection of geopolitics with business.<br><br> Outside work, Swati focuses on exploring her passion and love for food. From fancy cafes to street spots, Swati explores food like a true foodie.