What if your parents have less time than you realise?

A man who reached out to me recently (he is looking for a wife) said he is in his late sixties, has been widowed for nearly 18 years and has three children.

According to him, his children are all married. And they live in the same country with him but in different states.

When he told me how lonely life has become for him, I asked how often his children visit him, and he said, “Once in a year.”

And the visit doesn’t last for more than 24 hours because “they have their own life now.”

He told me that he single-handedly raised them into adulthood after their mother’s demise.

Seeing my parents for just a day in a year when I live in the same country with them would break me.

Some of us made very bold moves to be nearer home as age descended on our parents and made them vulnerable. It felt burdensome at the time, but looking back now, those sacrifices that one made towards their care are what actually give me closure about their demise, knowing that I tried my best for them, and would have done more if I could.

I came across the video of a widow who was lamenting that what makes her life less lonely these days are “other people’s children” that she helped to raise, and the families that she invested in. Because her own children do not live in the country and she has not set her eyes on some of them in three years.

After listening to her, I said to myself, “What are these children thinking?”

How can one be so busy (if money is not the problem) that they can’t afford to visit their parents once in a year, at least?

Are they not aware that time is ticking faster than we imagine?

I spoke to a family friend (a widow in her sixties) recently and asked about her daughter. She told me that they speak over the phone often, but the young lady has not visited home in a few years, upon the completion of her NYSC.

According to her, the young lady does not seem to enjoy coming to the village.

Knowing what I know now about the despondency that often descends on one when our parents are no more, I am compelled to scream at such children with these questions: What are you doing? How much time do you think your parents have left?

Do not take it for granted that your parents are still here!

• Lagos monuments and the scars of neglect (1)
• An open letter to a distressed priest
• Social media: A leverage for scammers or citizens’ platform?

Someone once said that the best way to drive home this reality is this:

Let’s say your parents are in their sixties and above. And you see them once in a year. Technically, what that means is that you are lucky if you still have more than ten times to see them.

Mama died in March 2022, but in January of that year, as I was set to leave for my base (two weeks later than scheduled), she was asking me when I would be back again. I told her, “Very soon,” even though I was wondering how “soon” that would be, because I had spent more time than my schedule permitted with them.

If I knew that the next time I would see her would be “the end”, I would have stayed back till the very end and cherished every moment with her.

This is the mindset with which we ought to approach being there for our parents. Stop taking the fact that they are not going to be here forever for granted. You probably have less time than you realise with them. But you just don’t know it yet.

I guess life conceals certain realities from us in order to shield our mental health.

A friend (she is in her early fifties) has had her mother living with her in the U.S. for some time, and she tells me how it scares her to let Mama out of her sight. Yet, the woman is pushing to go home.

I told her that she has no idea how blessed she is to come home every day and just put her head on the body that brought her into this world.

An elderly lady’s comment to my post on social media reads, “The loneliness that comes with ageing is terribly frightening, even when you have a comfortable life.”

Please show more presence to your parents!

Seize the moment with them. Don’t defer the best that you can give them today till tomorrow. That tomorrow may never come. Always remember that any moment you see them could be the last time you could see them.

A befitting burial is an insult to the spirit of whom you did not give a befitting life.