El Jalapeño: National Palace overrun by feral cats, Sheinbaum admits

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MEXICO CITY — In an unexpected admission during a routine morning address, President Claudia Sheinbaum confirmed that the National Palace’s administrative functions have been severely disrupted by an unmanaged population surge of its feline residents.

While the palace was originally reported to house 16 felines — all legally classified under Mexican law as “living fixed assets” — unregistered stray populations have ballooned, leaving cabinet members, visitors and security personnel navigating a sprawling feline hierarchy that operates outside government oversight.

The crisis reportedly escalated when an attempt to introduce a newly adopted puppy, Rollo, aimed at providing emotional well-being support to palace staff, was immediately thwarted by a coordinated blockade of senior orange tabbies occupying the primary garden corridors.

“We attempted to establish a balanced workspace for all four-legged personnel,” Sheinbaum explained, adjusting her podium microphone to avoid disturbing a sleeping calico. “However, the current asset distribution leans approximately 98% feline, and they have made it clear that additional canine integration will require extensive inter-departmental negotiation.”

Palace officials admitted that several key historic rooms have effectively been ceded to the animals. The famous courtyards now run on cat schedules, with high-level diplomatic meetings routinely paused to accommodate lap inspections by roving kitties. Staff members trying to process official paperwork report that several desktop keyboards remain indefinitely occupied by napping felines.

Despite the territorial challenges, the administration confirmed it has no plans to evict the current residents, citing their permanent legal protections. Instead, the government is considering creating a specialized feline mediation task force to negotiate shared corridor access before upcoming foreign dignitary visits.

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