Amazing Race 39’s triple U-Turn isn’t what ended one team’s race

Alas, Doug and Dylan’s time on The Amazing Race 39 has come to an end. “I’m a wreck,” Dylan said, and their time on the mat saying goodbye with Phil Keoghan was emotional. They have a lovely relationship.

They weren’t eliminated because Doug is 72 and dropping body parts on the street, or because Dylan is 18 and his eyes and brain are wrecked from having an iPad strapped around his head since he was a fetus.

I kid, of course, but I am glad they weren’t eliminated because they were outrun or out-muscled. Instead, they were eliminated because of the same thing that’s dropped them behind so many times: their inability to navigate. This time it fell on Doug, wandering streets of Sri Lanka like senior citizens wander the interstates of Florida in their Cadillacs.

They pulled ahead of the other two U-Turned teams thanks to their own challenge speed and accidentally getting on the express bus. And they also finished the tuk-tuk putt-putt task in two tries, faster than the pro soccer players!

Bonus U-Turn ► Dylan and Doug’s penalty for the non-elimination leg was having to do both Detour tasks, just like the two U-Turned teams.

As Doug said, it “gave us more of a fighting chance.” And while I am not a fan of these social elements on The Amazing Race, having a double U-Turn and a U-Turn as a penalty means three teams have the same obstacles to overcome.

Add to that a re-start of the race—Phil even gave a “good luck, travel safe”!—and they had a fighting chance, rather than just being behind the whole time.

Double U-Turn ► I expected votes would all go to Michelle and Matt, but was surprised by the other U-Turned team:

• 6 Michelle and Matt: votes from Ali/Joanna, Javi/Erin, Conner/Garrett, Daisha/Dalton, Anne-Marie/Riley
• 5 Daisha and Dalton: votes from Ali/Joanna, Conner/Garrett, Doug/Dylan, Anuar/Andrea, Anne-Marie/Riley
• 3 Anuar and Andrea: votes from Daisha/Dalton, Doug/Dylan, Michelle/Matt
• 2 Ali and Joanna: votes from Javi/Erin, Michelle/Matt

Daisha and Dalton have had two second-place finishes in a row, so I guess neither they nor I should have been surprised, but they don’t come across as a dominant team, perhaps because they’re not as cocky as Matt.

I thought Doug and Dylan’s strategy to vote for the weakest team, Anuar and Andrea, was interesting: slow down the back of the pack, not the front, gives you more of a chance.

Detour ► Teams either had to fill baskets with gutted fish, rinse them in the ocean, and them lay them out to dry to cover a mat, or sell ₨ 5000 worth of fish (that’s about US $15). Or both!

All non-U-Turned teams chose drying out, because those selling tasks are hard. That’s especially true as they were trying to sell to people who knew the product and its value and the teams did not.

Michelle and Matt, and Doug and Dalton, started with selling. That’s what I’d do: try to hit anyone for whom a camera crew and a dumb white people are novelties.

They priced theirs very high, but that ultimately worked—according to Matt, it was his “high-pressure sales and some French ladies.”

At the other task, teams placed fish into a gorgeous pattern. As she arranged their little corpses, Erin said these are “not the kind of fish I like. Actually, if it was dolphins—” and then she realized what she was saying. “Well, not dead dolphins.”

Dalton and Daisha finished both tasks first, followed by Doug and Dylan, and then Matt and Michelle.

Go go bus! ► Teams had to take a bus to the city of Colombo. Ali and Joanna asked and discovered there was an express bus.

Daisha and Dalton found a bus, and then Michelle and Matt found the same one. But it was the slow bus!

“Nobody told me about an express bus,” Daisha said. That’s what happens when you just run around a terminal screaming. Then Dalton screamed at the driver “go go” when they saw Doug and Dylan arrive, because that’s how bus drivers in other countries work: Americans on reality TV shows tell them when to drive.

Read your clue, check transit schedules, TAR. Doug and Dylan got on the express bus by accident, which was quite lucky.

Roadblock ► One team member had to load a cart with boxes and deliver them. The boxes said “DO NOT CRUSH,” and there was more than one occasion when I yelped thinking someone was going to get crushed—like when Conner and Garrett thought they’d dart between two busses that were passing each other at an angle.

Anuar, Anne-Marie, and Javi all went together, following Javi, who navigated.

Dylan smartly declined to share the location of the clue box when Matt asked. “You’re not going to tell us?” Matt asked, all huffy and aggrieved. WTF? Of course not, Matt! Your competition doesn’t have an obligation to help you, especially when you now own 15 percent of Expedia thanks to all your wins.

My favorite moment is when Ali arrived, the clue master asked for her receipt, and she pulled it out from under her shorts. “It’s a little sweaty,” she said as he tried to open the wet paper. Actually, I don’t know if that qualifies as wet paper; it was more like a clump of molecules.

Route Info ► Tuk Tuk polo was the third and/or fourth task for teams. TAR really needs another challenge name for these both-people-participate tasks.

And maybe this task should have been a No Passing Zone, considering teams had to attempt it one at a time. Clearly, they’d built in a way for teams that were behind to catch up.

Ali and Joanna had it all to themselves but couldn’t get it done—apparently bat/ball coordination differs from foot/ball coordination. Daisha and Dalton couldn’t even get the tuk tuk to drive for their first two attempts.

Naturally, it was Matt and Michelle who did that, pulled into third place despite their U-Turn and slow bus.

Anuar told us he drove tuk tuks in Mexico for two or three years, and I think CBS needs to develop a procedural about his life and all of his jobs.

It’s a mystery ► Matt, who is increasingly annoying the fish juice out of me, asked Phil Keoghan, “How many people can say not only they did it, but won it?” Does he really not know the answer? It’s 38 teams! 78 people! (37 x 2-person teams + 1 x family team)

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