My son goes to the gym a lot. How can I tell if this is healthy or a sign something is wrong?
A teenage boy goes to the gym several times a week. He takes protein powder and watches what he eats carefully. He talks about being “ripped” or “jacked”.
Is this a sign of a young person developing healthy, disciplined habits? Or has it turned into an unhealthy focus on his appearance?
How can parents tell the difference between a boy who loves to train and is happy, and one who can’t stop and has unhealthy feelings about his body?
The pressure to be ‘ripped’
It’s common for boys and young men to use the gym to lift weights while still in school.
While this is not new, social media has increased pressure on young people to conform to certain bodily ideals. For boys, that often means a lean body with large, sharply defined muscles.
A lot of body image advice for parents focuses on girls. But boys can still succumb to body-image concerns or body dysmorphia.
In boys, the warnings signs of an unhealthy focus on the body can take longer to recognise due to a broader societal acceptance of boys and men aiming to build their muscles.
Body dysmorphia in boys
Body image issues in boys are more common than many people realise. The best Australian evidence comes from a 2021 study, which surveyed more than 3,600 teenagers.
This study found 2.2% of boys met the criteria for muscle dysmorphia – this finding was several years before the modern trend of “looksmaxxing” went mainstream, so may be even higher today.
Muscle dysmorphia is a form of body dysmorphia where a person becomes preoccupied with the belief they are not muscular enough, to the point it is disruptive to their life or causes distress.
More than just exercise
Research suggests muscle building does not just involve extreme exercise. In a 2020 study at one Melbourne boys’ school, researchers found almost half of the 14–16 year old boys used protein powder, and concerningly 4% reported having used anabolic steroids.
On social media, looksmaxxing has added a new toxic dimension to the traditional urge for many boys to build muscle. This content treats everything about a young man’s appearance as something to be optimised or altered. Faces and bodies are rated and looks are deemed markers of status.
Read more: Why are young men ‘T maxxing’ testosterone? Do they need it? And what are the risks?
What should parents of boys look out for?
It’s not so much a question of how much a young person is training but their attitude around it and any impacts. If the gym work doesn’t seem to be leading to happiness with personal achievements, something may be awry.
For example:
training becomes rigid to the point where it disrupts other aspects of your child’s life or relationships, for example, at the expense of time with friends, family or school
your child becomes anxious or irritable when missing a session.
Most teenagers care about how they look. But take notice if it starts to have an impact on regular life. For example:
avoiding certain situations (such as the beach or swimming pools)
expressing body image concerns
Language is a clue. If he’s talking about being “mogged” (looksmaxxing jargon for being outdone by another boy based on his “looks”), or ratings of “frames” (his bone structure – such as height and shoulder width), he may be exposed to looksmaxxing content.
Vials or needles arriving in the mail are obviously a more urgent signal there is a problem.
What can parents do?
If you’re worried, talk to your son about his gym time and how he’s feeling about himself. Start with curiosity, not criticism or judgement. Ask what he’s seeing online and who he follows.
Ask open-ended questions to understand his underlying reasons for training, such as:
What are you enjoying most about training?
How do you feel if you miss a session?
Who inspires you to train? Would you show me their stuff?
Avoid making judgements about his body. Comments such as, “You’re getting big” tells him his body is how he earns approval. Talk instead about what his body lets him do: his sport, being a part of a team, and the role he can play for others in his life.
Talk plainly about what, if anything, he might be taking. Independent testing of peptide products has found some don’t have the labelled ingredients, and others can have a different substance altogether. If you find needles, stay calm, because panic and anger are likely to drive the behaviour into hiding.
Parents may ask where these substances came from or how they were found. A GP checkup can check his health and be an avenue to further support. For eating disorder or body image concerns, a call with the Butterfly Foundation could help.
Read more: What are peptides? And why am I hearing so much about them?
Better role models than the maxxers
Boys can benefit from having role models and mentors outside of their immediate family to look up to. That might be a coach, a teacher, an older teammate, or another trusted adult.
Looksmaxxing influencers fill a societal gap. They offer boys a clear set of rules for how to “become a man”, along with a sense of belonging. Real-life mentors can offer the same things without the harmful focus on appearance.
Consider if your son has people he can speak to and ask questions of with his best interests in mind. Mentors may allow boys to have conversations they don’t want to have with their parents.
The goal isn’t to get boys out of the gym. It’s to make sure physical training stays something they do, not the thing that decides what they’re worth.
For more information on how to get help for eating disorders, contact the Butterfly Foundation on 1800 33 4673.
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