How to move on when you're retrenched in your 30s

Last November, I got an email invitation to an in-person meeting with my then-CEO, a rare occurrence. The meeting was also scheduled for a Monday, a day when most of the company typically worked from home. 

"Is this a Bad News Meeting?" I asked my boss via online chat. I got a cryptic non-answer in response. 

It was, in fact, very bad news. Gathered around a meeting table, the bosses told me and a few other colleagues that we were to be laid off. We would be jobless in a month's time, and would each get a modest severance payout. 

I made it through the meeting, but as we gathered around our desks to process the news, the waterworks started. I was aware that getting laid off is always a possibility in many lines of work, but at the age of 31, I hadn't thought I was in that much danger just yet.

I shared hugs and tears with my colleagues, before sitting down to finish an assignment due that day. Focusing on my tasks felt easier than thinking about what would come next. 

I was lucky enough to secure another job about half a year later. Now, nearly one year after that fateful email invitation, things are looking up for me career-wise. 

Emotionally, however, I think I'm still smarting from the retrenchment. 

And I'm not the only one, either. Counsellors and human resource (HR) experts told me that dealing with the retrenchment blues is a gradual process, one that's more common than we may think.

WHEN RETRENCHMENT HITS AT 30

Ministry of Manpower (MOM) data shows that older workers tend to be laid off at a higher rate than the overall working population.

This is partly owing to the fact that they're more expensive given their years of experience, said Mr Adrian Tan, an HR analyst and creator of Sg Layoff Tracker.

For those of us in our 30s, getting laid off so early in our working life can be quite a shock. It can also be isolating to feel like you're the only one in your social circle dealing with retrenchment. 

All around me, my peers were moving ahead in their careers as I was forced to seriously reconsider my career prospects. Was it time to pivot to a different industry? Or should I stick with what was comfortable? What did I even want out of my next role? 

For months, these questions swirled in my mind. 

According to Ms Michelle Mah, a psychotherapist at counselling firm The Curious Bonsai, it's normal for retrenched professionals in their 30s to feel unmoored.  

Your 30s are often touted as the decade when one begins to tick off life's checklist such as building a family, achieving financial stability, and having a solid career trajectory, Ms Mah said. 

"A layoff in your 30s hits directly at this intersection of financial commitments, biological clocks, and peak identity formation. It also interrupts this story that we have been conditioned to believe in Singapore – that you get a good degree, a good job and your life is set." 

Some of her retrenched clients in this age group feel as though they've fallen behind in life compared to their peers, said Ms Mah. 

"Many begin pulling away socially, paralysed by the dread of answering the baseline Singaporean greeting: 'So, what are you doing now?'" 

Having to repeatedly explain their layoff to friends, family, and recruiters can even be a traumatic experience for some, she added. 

Instead of feeling like they have to start over, however, Ms Stephanie Tan, senior consultant (technology) at recruitment firm Ethos BeathChapman, encourages young professionals to have a more optimistic mindset.

"The years of experience they've built don't disappear just because the job did," she said. 

Retrenchment can even serve as an impetus to consider a new career direction. Mr David Blasco, the country director of recruiting firm Randstad Singapore, said younger professionals who have been retrenched generally approach their job search with a high degree of agility. 

"Unlike previous generations who might have held out for a perfect one-to-one replacement of their old job, talent in their 20s and 30s are much more open to pivoting," Mr Blasco said. 

"Once the initial shock wears off, it genuinely is a chance to realign. When we are employed, we often just climb the ladder in front of us without asking if it's leaning against the right wall," he added. 

WHEN "FUNEMPLOYMENT" ISN'T SO FUN

I still jokingly refer to my six months of joblessness as "funemployment". In reality, it was anything but fun. As nearly all my friends went to work, I was rotting away in bed, binge-watching comfort television shows from the 2000s. 

My inactivity was also the source of a crushing sense of guilt and inadequacy. Most of the "funemployment" content I consumed featured people travelling, picking up new skills, even starting passion projects. 

None of that matched my reality. For one thing, I didn’t have the motivation. I was also trying to be frugal because getting laid off coincided with several life milestones. 

My fiance and I had put down a sizeable deposit for our wedding venue a month before I was hit with the layoff news. We were also looking for a resale flat. This meant I felt the need to be earning again quickly. 

Ms Chloe Tan, counselling psychologist at Talk Your Heart Out (TYHO), a Singapore-based therapy and counselling service, said “funemployment” can look very different depending on a person's circumstances. 

Some people may take on temporary work like driving for Grab while turning interactions with customers into networking opportunities. 

Others may have enough savings and fewer financial or caregiving responsibilities, allowing them to spend time overseas. Younger adults may also have options such as working-holiday visas or volunteer exchanges.

While all these are valid ways of navigating unemployment, they're not realistic or accessible for everyone. 

Ms Chloe Tan's advice is to unfollow or mute social media accounts that trigger feelings of inadequacy, and even limit social media use if necessary. 

"Your unemployment does not have to look interesting, adventurous or productive to be meaningful. If you are grieving, paying the bills and trying to find your footing, that is already a lot," she said. 

She also stressed the importance of "real connection" by talking to friends, mentors and peers to gain perspective and companionship. 

GIVING YOURSELF TIME TO GRIEVE YOUR OLD JOB

MOM's latest labour market data shows that about three in five, or 60.7 per cent, of Singapore residents who were laid off found new jobs within six months. 

However, finding a new job is one thing. Moving on emotionally is entirely another. 

Naturally, one of the first things people do after losing their job is to update their resume. I'd done this early on, but it was only in my fifth month of unemployment that I actually sent my resume out. 

For months, I had been grieving the loss of a job and a close-knit team, and what I thought my career was going to look like. 

I dutifully bookmarked different job listings, but when it came down to it, I still couldn't imagine being in a new workplace given my strong sense of belonging at my former company.

Ms Chloe Tan said: "A retrenchment can trigger a range of emotions that are similar to grief.'' 

Retrenched workers are not just grieving a role or a salary, said Ms Mah. Often, they face what clinicians call "ambiguous loss", a form of grief where official rituals, societal recognition, or formal avenues for mourning are absent.

Even for those who receive a generous severance payout, this feeling of grief is not softened, she added. 

"Their grief is frequently invalidated by well-meaning friends or peers who reduce the transition to a simple financial equation, assuming a payout justifies the loss."

Instead of immediately forcing oneself to "move on", Ms Chloe Tan advised that people in this situation give themselves permission to acknowledge the loss.

It's also worth rebuilding a sense of community outside work, she said. Try to reconnect with friends and family, volunteer, join an interest group or hobby club, or simply make an effort to have small interactions with people in your everyday life.

RE-ENTERING THE WORKFORCE

Once you're ready to re-enter the job market, there's no need to feel shame over your retrenchment, said Ms Stephanie Tan.

"Retrenchments have become so common that most employers no longer read it as a reflection of someone's ability," she said.

"My advice to minimise the impact is to just be upfront: be clear about what happened, why the retrenchment happened, and what they've been doing with the time since."

Often, when a candidate has stayed productive, whether that's upskilling or actively networking, it will stand them in good stead with prospective employers, because it signals a growth mindset, she added. 

Retrenchment can also be a period for you to reassess the place of work in your life, said experts. 

"For many of us here in Singapore, work is rarely just an income source," Ms Mah said. "When identity and career are fused together, a layoff can feel like an existential collapse."

For many of us here in Singapore, work is rarely just an income source. When identity and career are fused together, a layoff can feel like an existential collapse.

To combat this type of thinking, Ms Mah said she encourages her clients to examine where these beliefs stem from. Then, they conduct an "identity audit" to rediscover the parts of themselves that existed before corporate validation: baseline values, creative outlets and non-work relationships.

"The reflexive temptation is to hyper-perform their way out of the crisis by spamming or applying for 50 or more jobs a day. 

"This can be masked as productivity. Yet, clinically we understand that a dysregulated nervous system stuck in a threat state cannot make clear, strategic decisions."

It's important to focus on wellness first, entering the job market "from a place of agency rather than panic", said Ms Mah. 

While the healing process can sound as daunting as the job hunt, it's enough to take things one step at a time. 

At this stage, the aim should not be to wait to feel completely confident before taking the next step, said Ms Chloe Tan. 

"Confidence often comes back gradually through small steps, new experiences and reminders that you are still capable. The goal is to move forward while taking care of both your financial reality and your emotional wellbeing."