How often should you call your mom? Be clear and kind when setting boundaries, expert says

Mom is often the first person many of us think to reach out to when we’re having a bad day, need some advice or are just in the mood to gab. While experts say there’s no ideal frequency for how often children should call their mothers, there are benefits to it that may make you want to pick up the phone more often.

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A poll of 2,000 American adults conducted by Talker Research in 2025 found that those surveyed spoke to their mothers once a week on average, though 22 per cent felt that they still didn’t call often enough. A 2016 YouGov poll of over 1,600 British adults showed similar results, with nearly two-thirds of those surveyed saying they spoke to their moms at least once a week.

Whether you’re a once-a-week caller or not, Dr. Amber Cohen, a registered clinical psychologist and director of the Cohen Clinic in Toronto, said it’s important to ensure both people are getting something meaningful out of the conversation.

“The healthiest frequency is one that feels mutually satisfying and sustainable for both people,” Cohen said. “For some families, that might mean a quick call every day, while for others, once a month may feel more natural. More important than the number of calls is whether both people feel connected, supported and comfortable with the level of contact.

“It’s also important to recognize that relationships change over time. Work, parenting, distance and other life circumstances can naturally affect how often people communicate. Rather than focusing on whether you’re calling ‘enough,’ it can be more helpful to ask whether the relationship feels meaningful and whether both people feel their needs for connection are being met. Focus on quality over quantity.”

Cohen explained that while phone calls can’t fully replace the experience of spending time together in person, they can still be valuable to the mother-child relationship.

“Phone conversations can absolutely be meaningful and help maintain a close relationship, particularly when distance or busy schedules make in-person time difficult,” she said. “A good conversation can provide emotional connection, support and a sense of being involved in each other’s lives.”

Research suggests that hearing your mother’s voice — even if it’s just over the phone — can be beneficial. A 2010 study conducted by the University of Wisconsin-Madison, in which a group of girls aged seven through 12 were tested with a series of impromptu speech and math problems in front of a panel, found that those who spoke with their mothers over the phone afterward saw their levels of the “love hormone” oxytocin rise significantly and their cortisol stress hormone levels drop.

For those looking to build a more meaningful connection with their mom over the phone, Kamal Chandhok, a registered psychotherapist at Toronto’s the Giving Tree Centre, said you can start by asking open-ended questions.

“Asking questions that are open-ended allows you to think a little bit deeper and it kind of prevents one party from curating answers to a simple question ahead of time,” Chandhok said. “It also shows if mom is asking their child, ‘What’s one thing that made you laugh today?’ or ‘What’s something that happened that made you go, huh, that was interesting?’ It kind of shows to the child that mom is interested in my day, and they’re not just asking me mundane questions that really don’t ask about me as a person in general.”

Chandhok added that it’s also important to be considerate of each other’s time and schedules.

“We have to be mindful of the time that we’re calling,” she said. “And maybe you can leave that ball in your child’s court where you can ask them, ‘When you are free?’ or ‘Maybe we can call every Wednesday at 1 p.m. because both of us are free.’ It gives your child some autonomy to have some sort of control as to when they can call mom.”

If you need to set boundaries with your mother about how often you call her, Cohen said it’s important to “be clear and kind about what works for you” when communicating that to her.

“Setting boundaries often means managing your own feelings of guilt or worry about disappointing your mother,” Cohen said. “Your mother may feel disappointed, and that’s OK. Her disappointment doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done something wrong. You can love someone deeply while also deciding what amount of contact is healthy and sustainable for you.”

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