El Jalapeño: Trump suggests renaming New Mexico as ‘New America,’ Mexico as ‘South America’

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WASHINGTON, District of Columbia — Following a series of social media posts proposing the rebranding of the Gulf of Mexico, Lake Ontario and the state of New Mexico, which he now calls “New America,” U.S. President Donald Trump suggested Tuesday that the country of Mexico itself change its name to “South America.”

“We’ve looked at the maps, folks, and frankly, having a Mexico and a New Mexico — which, by the way, will soon be New America, very prestigious, very beautiful — it’s extremely redundant and confusing for everyday people,” Trump posted on Truth Social. “Nobody knew maps were this complicated, but under South America, it works very nicely, keeps everything clean, and frankly, everyone is saying it’s a tremendous idea.”

The proposal, unveiled directly across social media alongside a digitally altered map rendered in thick red marker and an AI-generated video, aims to streamline continental nomenclature while bestowing what White House aides subsequently described as “unprecedented brand clarity” upon the Western Hemisphere.

In Mexico City, federal officials received the social media posts with the practiced composure typical of bilateral relations. “We have taken note of the online activity,” said a spokesperson for the Foreign Affairs Ministry, pausing to review a map that has remained unchanged since 1821. “While we appreciate the administrative enthusiasm from our northern neighbor, Mexico will continue to be called Mexico, as updating all of our official letterhead would introduce an unnecessary diplomatic expense.”

International trade analysts pointed out that a full renaming would require altering thousands of bilateral treaties, cross-border shipping manifests and billions of dollars in consumer packaging. Cartographers also noted that despite the digital sticker graphics shared on social media, global geographic standards will remain governed by international consensus rather than individual online posts.

When asked by reporters how the administration planned to resolve the obvious naming conflict with the twelve sovereign nations already occupying the continent of South America, White House aides briefly paused, consulted a wall map, and clarified that those countries could simply be referred to as “Farther South America” going forward.

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