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Collider Exclusive · 8 Questions · 2 Minutes Which Fictional Band Should You Join? Stillwater · Spinal Tap · The Wonders · Wyld Stallyns
Eight specific questions: which instrument you reach for, what goes on the t-shirt, what goes wrong at the first gig, who ends up making the documentary. Four bands that never existed and four completely different reasons to be in one. Answer honestly and we will put you in the right van.
🎸Stillwater(Almost Famous)
🔊Spinal Tap(This Is Spinal Tap)
🥁The Wonders(That Thing You Do!)
🎸Wyld Stallyns(Bill & Ted)
01
Which instrument do you reach for first? Nobody picks this for musical reasons. Be honest.
02
How does your band end up picking its name? This argument takes longer than writing the songs.
03
What are you doing in the van at two in the morning? Six hours to the next town and nobody wants to drive.
04
What goes on the front of the band t-shirt? You are ordering fifty of these and you cannot undo it.
05
What goes wrong at your first proper gig? Something always does. Pick your disaster.
06
What does the first song you write together sound like? It is going on every setlist for the next ten years.
07
Who ends up making the documentary about your band? Somebody is always filming. That is the whole problem.
08
Why do you want to be in a band at all? Eight questions in, this is the one that picks your band.
Load In, Sound Check, Go Your Band Is…
That Thing You Do! turned thirty last week, which is a good reminder that the bands nobody signed are the ones we keep arguing about. Here is yours, what it says about you, and the case for it being the best band on the list.
Stillwater
You want the real thing, the tour bus, the mythology and all the mess that comes with it. Stillwater are a band on the exact edge of making it, which is the most interesting place a band can possibly be and the worst place to live.
- You take it seriously, which is your best quality and the thing that will start the argument.
- Cameron Crowe wrote it from his own teenage years touring with bands as a Rolling Stone writer.
- Nancy Wilson of Heart wrote the band's music, and Tiny Dancer on the bus is still the scene everybody quotes.
- Your risk is believing your own legend before anybody else has agreed to it.
Spinal Tap
You are committed to the bit and you will not be talked out of it. Spinal Tap lose their drummers, their venues and their dignity on a rolling basis, and they get back in the van every time, which is arguably the most admirable thing on this list.
- You would rather be gloriously wrong at full volume than quietly correct.
- Rob Reiner's film was so convincing that real bands spent years insisting it was about somebody else.
- Spinal Tap II: The End Continues arrived in 2025 with Paul McCartney and Elton John turning up to play.
- Your weakness is never knowing when the joke has stopped being a joke.
The Wonders
You want the perfect moment more than the long career. The Wonders have one song, one summer and one trip to the top of the charts, and the film is clear that this is both the best thing that ever happened to them and completely enough.
- You are the one holding the thing together while everybody else is busy falling out.
- Tom Hanks wrote and directed it, and the title song was nominated for an Academy Award in 1997.
- The film turned thirty on the fourth of October and the song still works on the first listen.
- Your flaw is wanting things to stay lovely, which is not how bands or anything else works.
Wyld Stallyns
You are in it for the person standing next to you, and the music is almost a side effect. Wyld Stallyns cannot play yet, know they cannot play yet, and carry on with total confidence, which is either the worst idea on this list or the only correct one.
- You turn up for your friends first and the music second, and you would not have it the other way round.
- The whole trilogy runs on one joke, which is that a future utopia gets built on a band that is not ready.
- Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter came back for Bill & Ted Face the Music in 2020, twenty-nine years after the last one.
- Your risk is coasting on enthusiasm, because being excellent to each other is not the same as rehearsing.
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