10 Stupidest ‘The Far Side’ Characters, Ranked
Hannah has been writing about horror, sci-fi, and all things nerdy since 2021. At Collider, she covers news and conducts interviews, along with contributing features that dive deep into genre storytelling and why it works. If there’s something lurking in the shadows, she’s probably already writing about it if she's not too busy watching a tape from her VHS collection.
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10 The Cow Behind “Cow Tools”
A cow stands behind a table displaying several objects it has apparently made. One resembles a saw, while the others give no useful clues about what a cow might do with them. Larson’s entire caption is simply “Cow tools,” leaving the reader to confront the strange limits of bovine ingenuity. The cow belongs at the bottom of this ranking because making tools at all is impressive when you have hooves. Its creations may be useless, but it has grasped the concept of improving its circumstances through invention. A few humans further up the list manage considerably less with opposable thumbs.
9 The Scientists Investigating Whether Animals Kiss
Larson’s researchers want to establish whether animals kiss, and they have apparently decided the best method is to try it themselves, and the results recorded are hardly encouraging. At some point, the team should realize that this line of inquiry is producing more injuries than answers. There may be a legitimate scientific question buried beneath the experiment, but their approach makes it difficult to find. They could observe animals interacting with one another. Instead, a researcher is learning about animal behavior at extremely close range, one kiss at a time.
8 The Dog With the “Cat Fud” Trap
This dog wants a cat to climb into a clothes dryer. To accomplish that, it has written “CAT FUD” near the appliance and waits nearby, hoping its target finds the offer irresistible. The misspelling is funny, but the complete lack of subtlety is what earns the dog a place on this list. There is no food in sight and no reason for the cat to trust a meal advertised beside an open dryer. The dog has nevertheless committed to the plan with considerable optimism. Credit for attempting deception, but very little for executing it.
7 The Dinosaurs Who Took Up Smoking
One Far Side panel proposes an alternative explanation for the dinosaurs’ extinction: they smoked. Larson depicts prehistoric creatures indulging in a habit with consequences they cannot possibly understand. Millions of years of evolutionary success are apparently no defense against picking up a cigarette. The joke gives dinosaurs a distinctly human capacity for doing something harmful while carrying on as though it is normal. Of course, these animals have no access to the medical research that would eventually explain the danger. That keeps them lower than characters who receive a warning in plain English and ignore it anyway.
6 Nathan, the Scientist Who Became a Fly
Nathan has achieved a scientific breakthrough of sorts: he has transformed himself into a giant fly. When his wife comes down to tell him lunch is ready, she discovers that he has not changed back. His irritation suggests the transformation has already lasted much longer than he intended. The problem is not that Lawrence’s experiment failed. It worked so well that he now has to live with the results, and apparently did not establish a reliable way to reverse them first. Before testing a body-altering invention on himself, he might have spent another afternoon checking the return trip.
5 Terrance, the Student Held Back at Fool School
A teacher at Fool School tells the class that everyone is ready to move on except Terrance. Being held back is an unpleasant experience everywhere, but this particular school makes the news especially brutal. Terrance has somehow failed to meet even its expectations. Larson does not show what Terrance did to earn another year, which makes the result funnier. Whatever the curriculum involved, his classmates managed to complete it and he did not. Still, Terrance knows enough to attend school in the first place, putting him a little ahead of the characters whose survival instincts abandon them completely.
Classic Rock Personality Quiz
Who's Your Perfect
Classic Rock Band?
A Personality Quiz · 10 Questions
Five legendary bands. One perfect match. Answer 10 questions about your personality, attitude, and taste to find out which classic rock icon you truly belong with. Are you raw power, rolling swagger, operatic drama, thunderous riffs, or timeless melody?
⚡AC/DC
👅Rolling Stones
🤘Metallica
👑Queen
🎸The Beatles
01
How do you walk into a room? Choose the answer that feels most like you.
02
What does your ideal Friday night look like?
03
What's your philosophy on keeping things simple vs. complex?
04
How would your friends describe your personal style?
05
How do you want to be remembered?
06
What kind of crowd do you want around you?
07
If you were writing a song, what would it be about?
08
What's your secret to staying relevant over time?
09
You're playing to 80,000 people. What does your performance look like?
10
Pick the word that best sums up your relationship with rock music. This is your tiebreaker — choose carefully.
Your Result Your Perfect Band Is Revealed
Based on your personality, energy, and taste, the classic rock band that matches your soul is…
⚡ AC/DC
You are pure, undiluted rock energy. You don't need tricks, trends, or theatrical gimmicks — you have something more powerful: a riff that hits like a thunderbolt and an attitude that never wavers. Like AC/DC, you understand that simplicity executed with absolute conviction is its own form of genius. You're the person in the room who doesn't overthink it, doesn't pretend, and never turns the volume down. The highway to hell is a state of mind — and you've been on it since day one.
👅 The Rolling Stones
You've got swagger that can't be taught. Rooted in the blues and soaked in street-level attitude, you move through life with a loose, dangerous elegance that draws people in without ever trying too hard. Like the Stones, you've seen it all, done most of it, and somehow look better for it. You're not chasing perfection — you're chasing truth, groove, and that electric moment when everything clicks. Can't always get what you want? You tend to get it anyway.
👑 Queen
You are magnificent, and you know it — not from arrogance, but from an unshakeable sense of self that has never needed anyone's permission. Like Queen, you defy every category people try to place you in. You blend the epic with the intimate, the operatic with the anthemic, the serious with the playful. You live boldly, love fiercely, and perform every aspect of your life as though the whole world is watching. Because sometimes it is. We are the champions — and so are you.
🎸 The Beatles
You have the rarest of gifts: the ability to make something that feels both deeply personal and universally human. Like The Beatles, you're a natural connector — someone whose warmth, curiosity, and creative instincts draw people together across every divide. You believe in melody, in craftsmanship, and in the quiet power of a song that says exactly what someone needed to hear. You've changed the people around you just by being who you are. All you need is love — and you give it generously.
Who's Your Perfect Classic Rock Band?
Classic Rock Personality QuizWho's Your PerfectClassic Rock Band?A Personality Quiz · 10 QuestionsFive legendary bands. One perfect match. Answer 10 questions about your personality, attitude, and taste to find out which classic rock icon you truly belong with. Are you raw power, rolling swagger, operatic drama, thunderous riffs, or timeless melody?
⚡AC/DC
👅Rolling Stones
🤘Metallica
👑Queen
🎸The Beatles
Begin Quiz →
01
How do you walk into a room?Choose the answer that feels most like you.
ALike a freight train — loud, fast, and everyone knows I've arrived.BWith a slow, cool swagger — I take my time and own every step.CHead down, focused — I'm here for a purpose and small talk isn't it.DWith total confidence and a flair for the dramatic — all eyes on me.EWarmly and curiously — genuinely excited to see what and who is here.
Next Question →
02
What does your ideal Friday night look like?
ALoud bar, cold beer, cranked jukebox — the louder the better.BA smoky club, good company, and doing whatever feels right in the moment.CIntense concert or staying in with headphones — nothing in between.DSomething theatrical — a show, a dinner party, an experience worth remembering.EHanging with close friends, maybe making music, keeping it relaxed and genuine.
Next Question →
03
What's your philosophy on keeping things simple vs. complex?
ASimple is king. A great riff repeated perfectly beats any amount of cleverness.BKeep it loose and bluesy — the groove matters more than technical perfection.CGo deep and dark — I want layers, tension, and something that hits hard.DWhy not both? Elaborate arrangements and hook-driven anthems can coexist.ECraft every detail — a perfect melody is the result of countless small choices.
Next Question →
04
How would your friends describe your personal style?
ANo-frills, no-nonsense — jeans, a t-shirt, and ready to go.BEffortlessly cool — slightly dishevelled in a way that somehow always works.CDark and deliberate — black is a lifestyle, not just a colour.DBold and expressive — fashion is a form of performance for me.EClean and classic — timeless over trendy, always put-together.
Next Question →
05
How do you want to be remembered?
AAs someone who never let the energy drop — relentless, loud, and alive.BAs someone who lived fully and on my own terms, unapologetically.CAs someone who was brutally honest and made music that meant something real.DAs someone who transcended genres, boundaries, and expectations entirely.EAs someone who changed the world — and left it genuinely better than I found it.
Next Question →
06
What kind of crowd do you want around you?
APeople who are there to have a blast — no pretension, just pure fun and noise.BA mix of rebels and free spirits who don't take themselves too seriously.CA loyal, passionate crew who are all in — intensity over numbers every time.DEveryone — I want to unite people who wouldn't normally be in the same room.EPeople who appreciate craft and feel genuinely connected by the music.
Next Question →
07
If you were writing a song, what would it be about?
AHaving a good time, turning it up, and not overthinking it.BStreet life, desire, and the rawness of being human.CAnger, grief, war, or the darker side of the world — music as a weapon.DSomething epic and emotional — love, loss, triumph, or pure fantasy.ESomething personal and universal at once — a feeling everyone can recognise.
Next Question →
08
What's your secret to staying relevant over time?
ANever change the formula — if it works, it works. Consistency is everything.BStay hungry, stay dangerous, and always keep a bit of that rebellious edge.CEarn respect through dedication — the work and the live show speak for themselves.DReinvent constantly — never let anyone put you in a box or predict your next move.EWrite songs so good they can't be ignored, in any decade, in any context.
Next Question →
09
You're playing to 80,000 people. What does your performance look like?
AA wall of sound and sweat — pure, unfiltered energy from first note to last.BLoose, cool, and dangerous — every song feels like it might fall apart but never does.CBrutal precision — tight, powerful, and leaving no one unmoved.DA full spectacle — lights, costumes, vocal acrobatics, and total theatrical command.EWarm, joyful, and tight — the crowd singing every word back at you.
Next Question →
10
Pick the word that best sums up your relationship with rock music.This is your tiebreaker — choose carefully.
ARaw — stripped back, high-voltage, no frills.BRolling — fluid, dangerous, built on blues and attitude.CHeavy — powerful, honest, uncompromising.DMajestic — theatrical, boundary-defying, unforgettable.ETimeless — melodic, human, built to last forever.
See My Result →
Your ResultYour Perfect Band Is Revealed Based on your personality, energy, and taste, the classic rock band that matches your soul is…
⚡ AC/DC You are pure, undiluted rock energy. You don't need tricks, trends, or theatrical gimmicks — you have something more powerful: a riff that hits like a thunderbolt and an attitude that never wavers. Like AC/DC, you understand that simplicity executed with absolute conviction is its own form of genius. You're the person in the room who doesn't overthink it, doesn't pretend, and never turns the volume down. The highway to hell is a state of mind — and you've been on it since day one.
👅 The Rolling Stones You've got swagger that can't be taught. Rooted in the blues and soaked in street-level attitude, you move through life with a loose, dangerous elegance that draws people in without ever trying too hard. Like the Stones, you've seen it all, done most of it, and somehow look better for it. You're not chasing perfection — you're chasing truth, groove, and that electric moment when everything clicks. Can't always get what you want? You tend to get it anyway.
👑 Queen You are magnificent, and you know it — not from arrogance, but from an unshakeable sense of self that has never needed anyone's permission. Like Queen, you defy every category people try to place you in. You blend the epic with the intimate, the operatic with the anthemic, the serious with the playful. You live boldly, love fiercely, and perform every aspect of your life as though the whole world is watching. Because sometimes it is. We are the champions — and so are you.
🎸 The Beatles You have the rarest of gifts: the ability to make something that feels both deeply personal and universally human. Like The Beatles, you're a natural connector — someone whose warmth, curiosity, and creative instincts draw people together across every divide. You believe in melody, in craftsmanship, and in the quiet power of a song that says exactly what someone needed to hear. You've changed the people around you just by being who you are. All you need is love — and you give it generously.
↩ Retake Quiz
4 The Doctors Testing Whether Laughter Is the Best Medicine
A group of doctors surrounds a patient and laughs at him. The caption explains that they are testing whether laughter really is the best medicine, a saying they have interpreted with remarkable literalness. Their patient looks considerably less enthusiastic about the study than they do. The obvious flaw is that laughing at a sick person is not the same thing as helping that person laugh. The doctors have built an entire experiment around the wrong participant’s experience. If their patient gets better, it seems unlikely that the credit should go to being mocked during a hospital visit. See the panel reproduced and discussed here.
3 The Scientists Who Aren’t Rocket Scientists
A team of researchers surveys the wreckage of its rocket project and finally admits what the evidence has made painfully clear: they are not rocket scientists. It is a useful realization, although one that ideally would have arrived before construction began. Their ambitious project has become a visual demonstration of why expertise matters. Larson’s joke turns a familiar expression into a spectacularly expensive mistake. The team was confident enough to build a rocket but apparently lacked the knowledge to make it work. Unlike Lawrence, who at least successfully created something, these scientists have nothing to show for their effort except the ruined evidence of it.
2 The Birds Escaping a Burning Tree With a Ladder
A pair of birds are trapped in a burning tree, and their escape plan is to lower a makeshift ladder of knotted sheets. The problem is immediately visible to anyone looking at the panel: they are birds, and they can fly away without climbing down anything. This is one of Larson’s purest examples of a character making a situation harder by overlooking what it can already do. The ladder took time to assemble while the tree was on fire. Every moment spent tying another knot was a moment the birds could have used to leave.
1 The Student at Midvale School for the Gifted
A boy arrives at the Midvale School for the Gifted and encounters his first challenge before classes even begin. He pushes against the entrance door despite the large sign instructing him to pull. All of his effort goes into doing precisely the wrong thing. Everyone has made this mistake, which is why the cartoon works so well. The difference is that most people do not make it beneath a sign announcing their exceptional intelligence. The birds forgot they could fly, but Midvale’s student had the answer written directly in front of him and still could not get inside. He remains The Far Side’s undisputed champion of being stupid at the worst possible moment.
- Release Date
- October 26, 1994
- Directors
- Marv Newland
- Writers
- gary larson
KioskNews shows a cleaned-up reading view extracted from the publisher’s page — the original always lives on their site, not ours.