When a child does not come home

Rohan (not his real name) was 17. His classmates thought he was a little odd, so they left him out of games, jokes and weekend plans. Nobody hit him or shouted at him, but with each small exclusion, he became a little more invisible.

He was not completely alone: Jason was another boy whom the others considered strange, and from Form Four to Form Five, the two held each other up. Sometimes, one friend can make all the difference.

Then one afternoon, they quarrelled in the science lab and were sent to the principal. Something broke between them that day, and Rohan lost the only person at school who regularly spoke to him.

Rohan did not come home that evening. The next morning, his mother found him still in his school uniform and shoes, with his bag beside him. He had left for school that morning like any other day, but this time, he did not come back.

World Suicide Prevention Day was observed on Sept 10. Unlike many dates on the global calendar, it is not one to celebrate, but one to honour – especially because of the young people who could not be kept safe.

Suicide was once more commonly discussed in the context of adults facing financial stress, relationship breakdowns or other major pressures. Today, the mental health of children and teenagers demands equal attention.

According to the National Health and Morbidity Survey 2023, one in six Malaysian children aged five to 15 is likely to have mental health problems, with the burden having doubled since 2019.

Among teenagers aged 13 to 17, one in four shows signs of depression, one in eight has experienced suicidal thoughts, and one in 10 has attempted suicide. In a secondary school of 1,000 students, that could mean many young people are struggling without obvious outward signs.

Police data is similarly sobering: between 2020 and October 2025, PDRM recorded 5,857 suicides in Malaysia, including 1,813 involving young people aged 15 to 30.

Nearly half of Malaysian children surveyed in 2023 also reported loneliness, difficulty playing with other children, having no close friends, bullying or feeling disliked. These are problems that unfold in classrooms, canteens, buses and group chats – places where others may have a chance to notice.

One death is never just one death

When a young person dies by suicide, the loss does not stop with the family; it spreads through friends, classmates, teachers and the wider community.

In one case involving a 13-year-old girl, her best friend attempted to overdose the following day. Worse still, blame was then directed at the grieving child, leaving her to carry an impossible burden.

After such tragedies, public discussion often turns quickly towards finger-pointing at parents, teachers, schools or authorities. But looking for a single person to fault rarely explains something as complex as suicide.

Psychologists instead look at both risk and protective factors – the circumstances that may increase a young person’s vulnerability, and the relationships or support systems that may help protect them.

These can exist within the individual, family, school and wider community. Identifying them is not about assigning blame but understanding where support may be missing.

Some forms of harm are also easy to overlook. Repeatedly excluding a classmate, spreading gossip, making someone the subject of a long-running joke or creating group chats at their expense may leave no physical bruises, but they can still cause real distress.

Research involving nearly 27,500 Malaysian secondary school students found that those who had been bullied were almost five times more likely to have attempted suicide than those who had not.

No single joke, exclusion or rumour can be declared the cause of a suicide. But when a young person is repeatedly isolated or humiliated – particularly over identity, relationships or perceived differences – that environment can add to their distress.

The focus, then, should shift away from blame and towards what families, schools, friends and communities can do to make young people feel safer and less alone.

What can people actually do?

Awareness is only the beginning. The next steps are often practical, and many are available to almost everyone.

If you are a parent:

• Ask specific questions. Instead of only asking “how was school?”, ask who your child sat with at recess, or who they would call if they felt hurt or overwhelmed.
• If your child says they want to die, take it seriously. Stay calm, listen and reassure them that help will be sought together. Do not promise to keep suicidal thoughts secret.

If you are a teacher or school leader:

• Pay attention to the child who is repeatedly left out, sits alone or struggles to find a group.
• Be alert when close friendships suddenly break down, particularly if one student has few other sources of support.
• Advocate for effective mental-health screening and clear post-crisis plans, especially after a death that may affect other students.

If you are a young person reading this:

• You do not need to be a counsellor to make a difference, but you can choose to include someone who is often alone.
• Do not forward humiliating gossip, screenshots or messages.
  If a friend tells you they want to die, tell a trusted adult. Seeking help for them is not betrayal.

If you make decisions in a ministry, company, newsroom or community:

• Ensure school counsellors have adequate resources and time to focus on students.
• Expand access to school psychologists and mental-health professionals.
• Train teachers to recognise distress and know how to respond.
• Make psychological first aid more widely available in schools, universities, workplaces and faith communities.

Preventing suicide cannot rest on one parent, teacher, friend or institution. It requires families, schools and communities to make it easier for young people to be seen, heard and supported before a crisis becomes overwhelming.

If you or someone you know needs support, help is available:

• Talian BuddyBear (for children and young people): 1800-18-2327
• Befrienders Kuala Lumpur: 03-7627 2929, 24 hours, or visit befrienders.org.my to find the nearest centre.
• Talian HEAL: 15555, daily from 8am to midnight
• Talian Kasih: 15999 or WhatsApp 019-261 5999
• More helplines are available at findahelpline.com/countries/my.

This article was written by Dr Brendan J Gomez, a psychologist and an associate professor of psychology at Unitar International University. The views above are his own and do not represent those of the university.

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