‘SNL’ Cold Open: Trump Crashes Tom Hanks’ Halloween to Praise His ‘Great A**’
The president interrupts Hanks' portrayal of David S. Pumpkins with some eerie behavior of his own
On Saturday Night Live‘s Halloween episode, Donald Trump popped up during a couple’s haunted house tour to display some spooky signs of his aging, and to give some odd praise to Tom Hanks.
Trump (James Austin Johnson) interrupted Hanks’ portrayal of David S. Pumpkins, the jack o’lantern blazer-wearing character he debuted ten years ago beside Mikey Day and Bobby Moynihan, as skeletons. The trio starred in a follow-up sketch in 2022.
“Aw, are you sad you don’t get to see your third David Pumpkins scene?” Trump mocked the audience. “I’ll save you four minutes: he keeps popping up and confusing people on the ride. The end.”
“I actually have a lot in common with Mr. Pumpkins,” he continued. “We both appeared in 2016, we’re both very loud, very orange, and very, frankly, annoying!”
“But we love Tom Hanks. Look at him back there. Great acting,” he said as Hanks and everyone else remained frozen. “Great ass! A great ass on Hanks. That’s something I’ve been doing lately: admiring men’s asses. Not that there’s anything wrong with that—just that I might be gay. They’re calling it ‘gay dementia.’ ‘Dementia,’ short for ‘the men should’ show me their butts.”
Trump then addressed another recent feature of his rally speeches: the bizarre vocal sounds.
“What the hell was that?” he asked after making one such noise. “Probably soul trying to leave body.”
Turning to Tuesday’s midterms, Trump said he wasn’t anticipating success.
“They’re saying Texas is turning people, just like my hand,” the 80-year-old said, holding up his frequently bruised right hand. “And if it goes blue, then—just like my hand—I will leave it for dead. We can’t let that happen, so we gotta vote for that awful Ken Paxton. God, what an ugly son of a bitch. I hate that guy.”
Democrat James Talarico, on the other hand, “is frankly much better looking—and wow, what a dynamite ass.”
Trump closed by welcoming in a new SNL character for what will probably be her only appearance: Katie Zacharia, whom he fired as his press secretary after less than a week.
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Zacharia (Veronika Slowikowska), true to her sole press briefing, fumbled the big “Live from New York, it’s Saturday night” line.
So Trump handed off the duty to Hanks, Day and Moynihan, who delivered it without incident.
KioskNews shows a cleaned-up reading view extracted from the publisher’s page — the original always lives on their site, not ours.