How to reduce harmful sexual behaviour and protect your kids and their peers
Recent media reports of alleged sexual assaults by teenage boys draws attention to an uncomfortable truth: that young people sometimes perpetrate harmful sexual behaviour against their peers.
These reports are only the tip of the iceberg. The Australian Child Maltreatment Study surveyed more than 8,500 Australians aged 16 and over, and found that nearly three in ten (28.5%) had experienced child sexual abuse, nearly half of abuse reported was carried out by young people under 18.
Among the youngest age group surveyed (16–24 years), sexual abuse by another young person was more frequently reported than sexual abuse by an adult (18.2% compared with 11.7%).
What do we know about young people whose sexual behaviour harms others? And how can we keep them and those around them safe?
Why do children harm others?
Research shows many young people who have harmed others as a result of their sexual behaviours have experienced child maltreatment themselves.
However, this does not mean experiencing abuse inevitably leads to harming others.
Other factors associated with the development of these behaviours include childhood exposure to pornography, experience of domestic and family violence, and sexualised or unstable home environments.
Harmful sexual behaviour takes many forms. It can involve coercion, threats, or exploitation and can occur online or offline. Such behaviour often involves differences in age, developmental capacity, physical strength, or gender, including between siblings and peers. Its frequency and severity vary.
Read more: How common is sexually abusive behaviour between children? How should daycare centres respond?
Recognising this broad spectrum of behaviours and that young people are still developing their identity and capacity, researchers and treatment providers use “harmful sexual behaviour” as an umbrella term to describe sexual behaviours displayed by under 18s that harm others.
Our research shows non-stigmatising language such as “harmful sexual behaviour” encourages people to seek help and supports young people to stay engaged in treatment. This is important to help them stop the behaviour and take responsibility for the harm.
What can we do to reduce harmful sexual behaviour?
Everyone can play a role in reducing harm, but knowing where to start is not easy.
To address this, we have developed an online resource hub – Together We Can – to help professionals, parents and young people access evidence-aligned resources to prevent and respond to harmful sexual behaviour.
The hub is the first of its kind in Australia and brings together carefully sourced and vetted resources. It has also been tested by health professionals, parents, and young people.
What can we learn from these resources?
The evidence suggests harmful sexual behaviour is preventable, so parents and carers can:
Start talking about bodily autonomy early: Have age-appropriate conversations with children about body safety, boundaries, consent, respectful relationships and the impacts of porn and online influences such as manosphere.
Work with schools: Does your child’s school or childcare centre have a child safe organisation policy in place? Ask what that looks like in practice and how parents can be involved in helping to keep everyone safe.
Be a positive role model: Children learn from adults. How we talk about sex and consent, treat women and girls, and challenge sexist attitudes and behaviour helps shape their understanding of respect and equality.
What if you notice or receive reports of concerning behaviour?
Most sexual behaviours displayed by children are developmentally appropriate such as asking questions about physical differences between boys and girls, or exploring their own body in private.
Knowing the difference between problematic and harmful sexual behaviours is important when deciding how to respond.
Problematic behaviours are generally unusual for a child’s age or development, and may occur repeatedly despite adults stepping in to intervene. These behaviours can cause distress, confusion, or shame for the child or others.
Harmful sexual behaviours, by contrast, are highly intrusive and violate another person’s safety and dignity. They often occur in the context of power imbalances related to age, size, cognitive ability, gender, or social status.
Equip yourself with knowledge to recognise the difference between developmentally appropriate, problematic, and harmful sexual behaviours.
Read more: How to recognise child-on-child sexual abuse – and how to respond appropriately
Then act on early warning signs – every concerning behaviour is an opportunity for children to learn what is appropriate and what is not.
Depending on the child’s age and development, some behaviours may simply need your redirection or correction, while more persistent or intrusive behaviours may require professional interventions.
How to support children
Parents and carers play an important role in supporting all children impacted by or exhibiting harmful sexual behaviours. This includes:
Taking it seriously: Harmful sexual behaviour can have long-term impacts on victim-survivors. If a child discloses harm, believe them, reassure them they are not to blame, prioritise their safety and seek appropriate support.
Seeking help early: For the young person who caused harm, seeking help early can make a difference. Research suggests many young people do not go on to sexually offend as adults, especially with timely therapeutic support.
Staying involved: Our research shows young people are more likely to complete treatment if parents and carers are actively involved in the treatment with them.
It can be profoundly unsettling for parents to learn their child is displaying harmful sexual behaviour. Parents’ wellbeing matters too. Reaching out to a trusted friend or professional can help reduce isolation.
With support, most children can learn to make safer choices, and families can recover and heal. To learn more, explore our Get Help page.
Resources are available at Together We Can. If this article has caused distress, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, you can call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4646, Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, or 13YARN on 13 92 76.
We gratefully acknowledge the contributions of Jacqui Cameron, Summer May Finlay and Andrea Knezevic from the University of Wollongong to the development of Together We Can.
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