This is how we do it: ‘My mistress has complete control over me and makes me so happy’

I have cerebral palsy and live with my parents. Lady Alice is a delicious secret

I met Lady Alice on X. We aren’t lovers or friends. She is my mistress and has complete control over me. I am hers to use however she pleases and she expects nothing less than absolute obedience. I don’t pay Lady Alice a fee, though I might pay for a service she needs such as a pedicure. These payments are “tributes”, tokens of respect and devotion.

I am 43 and use a wheelchair because I have cerebral palsy. I live with my elderly parents; they cut up my food and wash me. Lady Alice is a precious secret.

I never felt in control and hated my body. I had sexual impulses, but because I have ornamental hips that I can’t thrust and erectile dysfunction, I’m not equipped for sex in the conventional sense. I had a “friend with benefits” 20 years ago. We had two – admittedly fun – meetings that unfortunately lacked any real penetration.

In our sessions she makes me feel like there’s nothing wrong with me, as though I was simply born to kneel and be her “stress toy”. I need help cutting up food due to limited control over my fingers, but I am able to crawl and get down on my knees for Lady Alice.

Most of our sessions happen online, but recently, I flew over 400 miles to kneel at Lady Alice’s feet. My father took me on the journey because I can’t travel alone, but he didn’t know who I was meeting. He thought he was dropping me off at a friend’s house.

The setting for my ordeal wasn’t a dark, oppressive dungeon filled with chains, but a light and comfortable living room. Many might wonder why I’d want to be dominated when I must already experience enough pain and humiliation being disabled. But when I’m in a session, I don’t feel disabled. I feel human, happy.

Put it this way: would you rather feel as though your life was ruled by brain damage or a beautiful woman who enjoys playing with your flawed body and appreciates your devotion?

Lady Alice, 53

After years of sexual apathy, I became something of a carnally incontinent alley cat

Most of my sessions with LD happen via video call. He kneels for me, wearing his collar, and I tell him erotic stories or make him masturbate. I know the phrases that send him into a blissful state of submissiveness. This is my ultimate goal – in the BDSM community, this is called subspace. For submissive people, this feeling is more sought after than an orgasm.

LD is unbelievably respectful. Many so-called submissive men can’t truly surrender and really only wish to serve themselves. LD puts me first, always.

I discovered that I had an aptitude for consensual humiliation three years ago, rather unexpectedly. I started hormone replacement therapy and the transformation was almost instant: after years of sexual apathy, I became a carnally incontinent alley cat.

I got on the apps, and alongside the conventional profiles were some rather strange ones: requests from men describing themselves as “pay pigs” wishing to be “financially drained”; others wanted me to tell them they were sexually inadequate; and there are an ungodly number of boys begging to be “pegged”. A self-professed “financial domination” addict in Dundee became my unlikely mentor. I grilled him on specifics: how to present myself online; how to monetise it; what to share; what to withhold?

LD and I have only met once in person, but more important to both of us is our daily relationship. I’ve seen him bloom. Having life restricted due to limited mobility is so frustrating and unpleasant. I want so much more for LD than he currently has. He’s a fiercely intelligent, creative man. Through being “owned” by me, he has another lens to view himself. This inspires him. Before we met, I don’t think LD had much of an outlet for his sexuality. I know how energising discovering this side of yourself can be.