Opting out of the education arms race – these parents don’t sweat about grades

SINGAPORE – Liang May took her son for a staycation at a hotel during his study break before sitting the PSLE in 2024.

They went rock climbing, played games at an arcade and visited cafes for meals, while weaving study time in between these activities.

“It made him feel more relaxed. He was feeling the stress of PSLE, so this actually helped him,” said the 44-year-old homemaker.

In the lead-up to the examination, Liang said her friends confiscated their children’s devices or limited their play time. But she did the opposite. In fact, she increased her son’s gaming time and ensured there was a good balance between his studies and personal time.

“I consciously told myself not to be reeled into that pressure… He’s the one sitting the PSLE, and he’s the one feeling most of the pressure,” said Liang, adding that she worried her son would not be able to put in effort into studying when he was required to, if he was not rested enough.

This was not the first time Liang’s approach to her two children’s education seemed unusual to her friends and family.

Although her son had the chance to enrol at an earlier phase in her husband’s alma mater, a prestigious boys’ primary school, she decided to place him in a neighbourhood school near their home instead.

“I wanted my children to grow up meeting kids from different backgrounds, to gain a wider view of the world… And they thrived at Pei Tong Primary School where they were able to find long-lasting friendships, and had caring teachers,” she said.

Liang also learnt to relax about her children’s development from experience.

She recalled worrying when her daughter was in Primary 2, and struggled to recite the alphabet. But instead of sending her for tuition, Liang continued reading to her and taking her to the library, trusting that she would learn at her own pace.

Today, her daughter represents her primary school in a creative writing competition.

“I realised then that self-discovery is more powerful than force-feeding,” she said.

Choosing a different path

In a society where families usually go to great lengths to give their children the best chance of academic success, some parents in Singapore, like Liang, are opting for a different path.

This means not succumbing to the peer pressure to enrol their kids into tuition and various enrichment programmes, to give them an edge over others or boost academic excellence.

While acknowledging the ever-present pressures from the education system here, these parents are making deliberate choices to channel their efforts and resources into what matters most to them – keeping their children happy and not pressuring them to excel academically.

A 2026 study by the Institute of Policy Studies (IPS) found that most parents of primary school children in Singapore increasingly value holistic or broader development.

At the same time, more parents indicate feeling stressed and anxious about their children’s futures and whether they will fall behind in the long run, compared with 2016, when the study was last done.

And although they view the education system here as among the best in the world, more than two-thirds of them say it still causes their children unnecessary stress.

Still, there are some parents The Straits Times spoke to who said they do not want to be caught up in the competitive aspects of the education system. These include strategising ways to enter popular primary schools or focusing their energies on direct school admission (DSA), through sports and the arts, to get into top secondary schools.

A parent and pre-school administrative executive, who wanted to be known as Tang, said she did not set grade targets for her children to achieve. Instead, she was more concerned about whether they understood what they were learning and put in reasonable effort into their studies.

“Their childhood doesn’t have to be optimised every minute… They need to grow in a way that makes sense for them,” she said.

Her son, who is now in Secondary 4, had gained entry to the School of Science and Technology via DSA route after taking written tests and completing science challenges. Her 11-year-old daughter will sit the PSLE in 2027.

“Instead of gunning for one (particular secondary) school, we will be practical and choose a school based on her results and CCA preference,” said Tang, adding that she does not believe that entering a top school is the only route to a successful future.

Jason Tan, a professor at the National Institute of Education, said there is a lack of rigorous local longitudinal research that examines the strength of the proposition that studying in the so-called good schools increases one’s success later in life.

He added that questions still remain about how much of the perceived success of students from top schools is driven by school programmes or by students’ pre-existing advantages.

Lesser focus on academic excellence

For some parents, investing in their children’s future means focusing less on academic results and more on developing life skills, pursuing interests and building resilience.

Former secondary school teacher Jasmine Sia, 41, takes a different approach with each of her four children, aged eight to 15, depending on their strengths and abilities.

“It’s not possible to hold the same academic standard for all kids, as each child is different,” said Sia, who is now a private tutor.

She is also selective about enrichment classes. Rather than sending them for tuition in every weaker subject, she prioritises activities that could become lifelong hobbies.

Her eldest child takes piano lessons, her second attends wushu classes, her third learns robotics and her youngest plays soccer.

Instead of signing up her daughters for enrichment classes, marketing manager Yong Qiao Qing, 39, involves them in her online business Little Warriors, which makes protective clothes for children with sensitive skin.

She and the two girls, aged six and 10, would brainstorm ideas and create social media content, as well as help set up booths and interact with customers.

“They pick up financial skills and entrepreneurship (and) learn how to speak to customers and how to present ideas through social media content creation,” said Yong.

“These are skills you can’t teach in schools and through preparing for exams,” she said.

Single mother-of-two, Shoba Agnetha Seetaram, 46, prioritises her two children’s well-being, their ability to be independent, and their character and values, over their academic achievement.

Her 16-year-old daughter’s social anxiety began when the girl was in Primary 5 during the Covid-19 pandemic, and resulted in physical symptoms like severe headaches, hospitalisations, and difficulty attending school.

When she moved to secondary school, she received psychological and psychiatric support from KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital, and started on anxiety medication in June 2026. She is currently repeating Secondary 3, after missing most of her Secondary 2 and 3 classes the last two years.

Instead of allowing academic pressure to further threaten her daughter’s mental health, Shoba, an early childhood teacher, prioritised the girl’s emotional stability.

“I’m more focused on who they are growing up to be, whether they are good people,” she said.

While some parents consciously resist the academic pressure on their children, they harbour doubts whether they are doing enough for their children.

Marketing consultant Vanessa Ng, 38, who has two children aged four and one, said: “When I’m surrounded by conversations (about school registration strategies), there is a part of me that wonders if I’m being too relaxed, or if I’m doing enough for my children.”

For now, she has resisted packing her older son’s schedule with enrichment classes, limiting him to no more than one class per term, usually in creative or language-based activities.

“I don’t want a disappointing (academic) result to become a judgment about who they are. I just hope I can stand by this when my children are old enough to be within the system,” said Ng, acknowledging that her views may change once her son enters primary school, particularly if she sees him falling behind his peers.

“It’s very easy to say you’re not concerned about school prestige until you’re actually faced with the possibility that your child might miss out.

“That’s the uncomfortable part of the system. I can see the logic that drives parents to do more.”