Please give Stacey some privacy... I never want to see her again!: CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews Stacey & Joe: In Too Deep
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Stacey & Joe: In Too Deep (BBC1)
Rating:
Stacey Solomon is furious. Wherever she goes, paparazzi with long lenses dog her steps, snatching photos. It's invasive. It's inconsiderate. It's an outrage, frankly.
'I have a reasonable expectation to privacy, for sure,' she fumes at one snapper, who had the temerity to point a camera at her when she was enjoying a walk in a field of tulips with just a minimal film crew.
'It bothers me,' she complains to husband Joe Swash, once she and her camera team are back at home. 'I do just think, what about the safety of our kids as well?'
Ah yes, the kids. Stacey has five, the youngest three with former EastEnders actor Joe, and they're very much the focus of Stacey & Joe: In Too Deep.
A reel of the children messing about in the countryside, shot to look like family cine film, opened this third series of their reality show.
To make certain that we could tell the sprogs apart, their names popped up in captions. This must make it easier for the paps.
Stacey also shares photos of all five frequently with her 6.1 million social media followers on Instagram.
The main events are a child's birthday party and a morning spent feeding their chickens, when Joe deliberately goads and torments the cockerel into flapping at him
She's seething, though, when unauthorised pictures of her at a junior football tournament appear online.
'It's not like everyone's dying to hear what was the score,' she boils. 'There's no public interest.'
She's right about that. There would be no public interest whatever in Stacey and Joe, were they not constantly broadcasting the minutiae of their lives by every means possible, including the Beeb.
'Despite what the Press say', she adds, 'we're still together'.
Apparently, rumours of a split started when she was photographed without her wedding ring. How very odd for her to accidentally fuel the gossip columns by such a blunder.
Nothing newsworthy or even mildly noteworthy occurs during the opening hour of this series.
It's not even as if they're seen doing anything to promote a charity – this is bare-faced self-promotion from start to finish... except for the scene where Stacey and sister Jemma put their make-up on together.
Stacey slaps on so much undercoat that her face turns green, like a bit of old brass in need of a polish.
The main events are a child's birthday party and a morning spent feeding their chickens, when Joe deliberately goads and torments the cockerel into flapping at him, and then pretends to be terrified.
He also drives a tractor. In his dreams, Joe is starring in his own version of Clarkson's Farm. But Clarkson has trailer-loads of drama and outsize characters.
Stacey and Joe are so short of content that we spent ten minutes watching their reluctant teenage son apply for a place on an American summer camp.
For pity's sake, give this family the privacy they say they want. I never want to see them again.
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