My husband and I can’t agree on school or tuition for our child. What should I do?

SINGAPORE – An argument between husband and wife about their children’s tuition or school choice may reflect deeper differences between them in parenting beliefs, family counsellors say.

An Institute of Policy Studies (IPS) study in 2026 found that the proportion of parents who reported arguing with their spouses over their children’s education rose to 60% from 43% in 2016.

One parent may emphasise academic achievement, while the other favours a more holistic approach, says Sharon Koh, deputy director and principal therapist of non-profit organisation Counselling and Care Centre.

Or one spouse may prefer a more reputable enrichment programme that costs more, while the other would like an affordable option closer to home.

Disagreements can extend to how much screen time they allow their children, and who does what in their daily parenting duties.

How spouses respond to each other when they disagree can deepen the conflict, Koh said.

She has seen cases where one partner corrects the other, who then resists or complies unhappily.

Tensions between a parent and a child also spill over to the marriage when the other parent intervenes in a way their partner finds unhelpful.

How can parents manage disagreements between them?

Talk about the fears behind your beliefs

A parent pushing for tuition may worry about their children struggling later in life, while their spouse could fear the children are under too much pressure, says Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director of The Relationship Room.

She recommends parents use “I” statements – such as “I’m worried our child will struggle without extra help” – to explain their concerns. They should also listen to the other person’s worries before defending their own views.

Koh encourages partners to understand how their actions affect each other.

Often, both parents want the best for their children but disagree on how to get there, says Pong.

Find shared priorities, but allow room for differences

Pong advises couples to discuss what they both want for their children, what matters most and what they can let go of.

Koh stresses that working together as parents does not require a couple to have identical parenting approaches. Couples can discuss why each holds particular beliefs, where they can be flexible and how to support each other.

Remember you are husband and wife, not just parents

Koh says couples can become absorbed in childcare and household tasks, leaving little time for their relationship. She recommends couples to regularly ask each other how they are coping and what support they need. Even small opportunities to connect and keep talking matter, she says.

Adapt parenting as your child grows

Koh says methods used with younger children may become less helpful as the children develop their own views. When their children become teens, parents should give them more space to manage their studies and build independence. Couples can discuss how to adjust their involvement in their children’s lives, as attempts to impose greater control can prompt resistance or withdrawal.

It’s okay to hold different views about parenting

Parents can support each other without agreeing on everything, says Koh.

Couples should try to understand each other’s values, anxieties and hopes for their children, and to be flexible, rather than insist on one “right” approach.

Children can learn to navigate differences on their own from seeing their parents disagree respectfully with each other.

“Differences don’t have to be divisive. They can actually be a resource for the couple,” says Koh.