One more shot... and other lies men fall for

• No sooner had I opened the door than, I was accosted by three burly gentlemen of leisure.
• In his hands, he had devil’s piss from Scotland, with a waspish waist and a long neck. 

It was late when the doorbell rang. I was sprawled on the chair, living my most epicurean lifestyle. I was doom-scrolling, switching between TikTok and Instagram reels, destroying whatever little of my attention span I have left. When the doorbell rang, I sprang up, immediately annoyed because who visits someone on Sunday at 9-something pm? Off I went to the door, my mouth pouting, a stern “Unataka nini?” lazily hanging on my tongue.

This is where I make Tr Elizabeth, my teacher of English, proud. No sooner had I opened the door than (hehe), I was accosted by three burly gentlemen of leisure. It was my neighbour, K—, with two of his friends, W— and E—. In his hands, he had devil’s piss from Scotland, with a waspish waist and a long neck. That neck said, “Shot moja tu.”

• 

  Mantalk: Too many theoretical men out here, not enough skilled ones

  How many plumbers do you know, or know of?

• 

  Mantalk: No man makes it far without his boys...

  There are things my boys know about me that someone’s daughter never will, or should.

• 

  PE teachers bred a generation of angry millennials

  There was nothing physical about that education, and the educational part contained no physicality.