‘SNL’: Hippie John Mulaney Has Some Very Unhip Thoughts at Woodstock

Mulaney suggests how he and his baby boomer pals should live when they get older

On Saturday Night Live, Woodstock attendee John Mulaney shared with his hippie friends some very uncool ideas about how their generation should live when they’re older.

While listening to Sly and the Family Stone at the 1969 music festival, Mulaney suddenly blurts out to his pals an odd suggestion: “Hey, when we get older, I think we should buy all the houses.”

When a friend (Andrew Dismukes) expresses confusion, Mulaney explains: “Our generation, the baby boomers, when we get older, I think we should just buy as many houses as we can get, and just like, have them.”

“Also, we should have all the money,” he goes on.

His freinds (Sarah Sherman, Kenan Thompson and Mikey Day) are skeptical, while Mulaney insists that their spirit of generosity should flip “in fifteen years, like 1985 or so.” Then, he says, “we should become ruthless corporate climbers that absolutely fetishize money in an almost pornographic way. Far out, right?”

After he’s offered marijuana, Mulaney has another idea: “We should scare our kids about this stuff.”

The group objects, prompting Mulaney to explain: “I feel like in 1985—hey, there’s that year again, feel like it’s going to be a big year for us—we should tell our kids if they smoke weed even once, it’ll ruin their lives. And not just weed, everything.”

“Everything we should enjoy, we tell our kids that it will kill them stone-ass dead,” he says.

When a friend relies that only hard drugs should come with a warning, Mulaney responds: “No, we should make our kids do speed: ritalin, adderall, just shove it down their throats their entire childhood so they can get into college.”

After a friend notes how easy it is to get into college, Mulaney advises: “We should change that a lot.”

After a lull in the music, Mulaney’s next remark draws even more backlash: “Hey, I think we should be Republicans.”

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He follows that up with: “I don’t think we should die.”

His final plan for the future: “Even though it’s cold, and we can’t hear any of the bands, and we’re standing in mud and feces, I think we should say this concert was like incredible and life-changing.”