We married young; he paid for my degree

• After two years of friendship, Kenneth Kariru Muchiri began dating Paulyne, and they married in 2002, when she was 21.
• More than two decades later, Paulyne attributes her happy union to being intentional about spending time together.

Paulyne Kariru's love for singing in the church choir, back when she was a young girl, won the heart of an artistic guitarist and choir trainer. What began as a shared love of music in December 1998 grew into a marriage now in its 24th year.

"I loved church because I did not know anything else to do outside of school. Most days I was in church even when there was no choir practice, because I had a copy of the church keys. Like the first daughter who needs to carry everyone, I would spend the day there just praying for my family," says Paulyne, who comes from a family of five.

At the time, Paulyne had just sat her Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education exams and was waiting to join university, since her siblings were still in school.

Their choir trainer, a third-year student at the University of Nairobi, had his studies interrupted that year by a strike, and the pair poured their free time into choir practice, laying the foundation for what would grow between them.

"That is where I met my husband. Most of us in the choir were young people who were not working, so we would meet daily for practice, apart from midweek, when we would have fellowship."

Their trainer, now her husband, Kenneth Kariru Muchiri, believed in dating a woman in his fourth year of university and marrying her soon after graduating, which is exactly what happened. After two years of friendship, he began dating Paulyne, and they married in 2002, when she was 21.

"My husband was different from the word go. We opened a joint bank account, and he would send me to deposit Sh10,000 every month for about a year for the wedding. We started trusting each other back then, and it has been the same ever since," she says.

Kenneth paid the first dowry before the wedding, in keeping with tradition, after Paulyne's father travelled back from Botswana to bless the union.

"After our wedding, my father-in-law paid all the school fees for my Diploma in Secretarial Studies at Kenyatta University. I graduated and worked in that field for about three years before we became parents."

Paulyne resigned from her job instead of taking maternity leave when she fell pregnant with their first child.

"My firstborn son was born in 2006. My husband wanted me to complete a degree first, but my friends were getting married and having babies, so I told him I wanted a child too, and that I would still go to university afterwards. Eventually, he agreed."

By 2012, the couple had three children and later adopted one more. Paulyne chose to be a stay-at-home mum and take care of the young family. Later, she kept her promise and enrolled on a degree course in Psychology.

"My eldest, who was in Class Eight when I went back to university, is now studying medicine. My husband paid for my degree course. I love my career, and I still want to pursue a Master's in Marriage and Family."

Paulyne explains that in her Gikuyu culture, a man is never truly finished paying dowry. However, since her parents are Christian, they weren’t too rigid and allowed Kenneth to make his final instalment of dowry in 2015.

"My father did not specify how many goats he wanted. He simply told my husband to give what he had, which saved us from negotiating a price. In 2015, my husband paid an amount that stood in for the goats, at a bigger ceremony than the first," she says.

Kenneth encourages couples to invest in each other’s growth.

"Investing in your spouse's education benefits the whole family, because the partner becomes happier and more capable. That exposure translates into more income, better planning, and a stronger foundation for the next generation. Even women should invest in their husbands' education."

He also urges young people not to shy away from marrying early. 

"The earlier you marry, the better. You won't struggle to prepare your children for their next phase of life, and you'll have more time to enjoy life with your spouse and travel with your children before you get too old."

"Marrying early, while I was still strong and financially capable, helped me deal with issues many modern men fear, like having children and providing for their needs,” he adds.

More than two decades later, Paulyne attributes her happy union to being intentional about spending time together.

“We golf, go for road trips, make time for coffee and dinner dates, and enjoy each other’s company.”

She is grateful that her husband has kept the vows he made on their wedding day.

"I still remember my husband telling me, on our wedding day, that he had purposed to love me. When I got married, I weighed 45 kilograms; I've changed since then, and he still loves me. I have also purposed to love and honour him, because he is the head."

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