OPINION - I would rather be ‘Europoor’ in London than live in America

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Americans are apparently congregating in internet forums across the globe to slander our lifestyles and livelihoods. In the illustrious online networks of Grok, X and Reddit, they’re whispering about us behind our backs. “They’re Europoor,” they hiss, giggling with glee while cradling their shotguns.

I recently learned about this phrase — one that’s supposed to denigrate Europeans for our lower salaries and slower economic growth — but having lived in America for 14 years, I can easily declare that I’d rather be Europoor than live in America (just ask Harry and Meghan).

While yes, I make less money than I used to, there are hundreds of reasons why I’d rather live in London than Los Angeles. For one, I no longer live in fear of falling off a ladder and becoming financially destitute.

I no longer live in fear of falling off a ladder and becoming financially destitute

I once dated a man who worked as a freelancer and didn’t have health insurance as it would have cost him about £900 per month. When he was hit by a car while riding his bike, he looked me in the eye while limply splayed across the road and began to choke out some words that appeared to be important. He stopped to splutter, and I feared that, perhaps, these might be his last words. “Do not call an ambulance,” he whispered — ultimately imploring me to call his parents instead. His hospital bill still ended up being $25,000 — although his mother managed to scream the finance team down to $5,000. Neither the bill, nor the fact that it was negotiable, made any sense.

You also don’t get to leave America that much when you live there. Even if you make a lot of money and could afford to lounge in the most expensive of Tahitian resorts, you usually don’t because the chances are that your company won’t let you go away for long enough. Fifteen days a year is pretty standard for a year’s worth of leave, but if you even so much as enquire about taking two consecutive weeks off at a time, there’s a high probability you’ll either be fired, burned at the stake or declared an office pariah.

Not so splendid isolation

And beyond the lack of holiday you’re given, there’s also the mad notion that taking time off is some kind of wild luxury that only the sacred few get to experience. Plus, it’s also relatively geographically isolated — so when you take a week off, there’s not many places you can quickly get to. South America looks close, but it isn’t. If you’re on the East Coast there’s potentially the Caribbean, and then you’re essentially left with Mexico or Canada — and, of course, exploring the vast USA itself, but that’s only logistically easy for certain states.

We, on the other hand, are surrounded by countries that we can drive to more quickly than it would take to traverse the length of Texas. In London we can pop on a train and get to Paris, or Brussels. In America if you’re taking a train it’s usually to New Jersey.

“We’re going to Europe!” they’ll say without providing any further information as to which country they’re visiting

It’s not that they’re holding you hostage, per se, but the logistics, cultural circumstances and HR regulations are against you. To leave America is therefore quite a big deal, and when it happens it’s often mentioned in hushed tones over drinks as though they’ve discovered Narnia via a kitchen cupboard and don’t want to alert ICE. “We’re going to Europe!” they’ll say with excitement, without providing any further information as to which city, or country, they’re visiting. It’s just Europe to them, a sweeping word to describe a famously homogenous place of endless sameness.

No place for a woman

In addition to the fear that if you slip on a banana you might end up bankrupt, the fact that you can’t really leave the country, and the idea that taking too much time off makes you a heathen, it’s also not, exactly, an ideal place to be a woman right now. In some states abortion is outlawed, and women are offered the generous choice of death or prosecution when dealing with dangerous pregnancies. And then, even if you’re happily with child, you’re only promised 12 weeks of maternity leave after pushing a watermelon out of your vagina.

I remember being shocked when I moved back and realised that people were actually hired to cover people’s maternity leaves in the UK because they were off for a whole year. In America, mothers take so little time off that the official workplace protocol is to just wing it for three months and hope for the best. It’s chaos, no one knows what’s going on, and everyone ends up being overworked — but why hire anyone to fill in when they’ll basically be back next week?

We might be making less money, but we’re living better here

There are many more reasons as to why I’d rather live in London than America — our sense of humour, the fact that people leave the office before 6pm without being hissed at (unless they work in the City), Andy Burnham’s comforting eyebrows, Hampstead Heath on a balmy evening, and the way that we all apologise for being bumped into, to name but a few. But really, it’s the quality of life we’re afforded, and the ability that we have to leave the office and just pop on a train to Paris.

We might be making less money, but we’re living better here — and I’m sure that our other European counterparts would all agree. What’s the point of earning more money if it’s potentially all just going to end up on hospital bills, anyway?