I was once ashamed to admit I’d been strangled nonconsensually during sex. Now I’m speaking up to save women’s lives | Hannah Ferguson

Last week, a 16-year-old girl was found unresponsive in a home on Sydney’s northern beaches. She was airlifted to hospital and died two days later. New South Wales police are investigating her death as the result of a sexual strangulation act. Sources told the ABC the deceased may have experienced a seizure following asphyxiation, and that officers were told the sex was consensual.

While that investigation has yet to run its course, speaking generally, strangulation during sex is not a new phenomenon or conversation. Just a few years ago it was relatively taboo to criticise this normalisation of violence in sex – it was often framed as “anti-kink” to raise concern about this dangerous act that is increasingly depicted in mainstream pornography.

In 2024, Australian research affirmed the prevalence of sexual strangulation. The Archives of Sexual Behaviour published data revealing that 57% of Australians aged 18 to 35 had been strangled at least once during sex, and 51% said they had strangled a sexual partner.

Not only are reports of this act increasing, so are the reports of health impacts. Denele Crozier, the CEO of Women’s Health NSW, stated that since 2023 there had been a 123% increase in women presenting with concerns of a possible brain injury linked to strangulation.

I was previously ashamed to share my own experiences of being strangled during sex nonconsensually. Despite being an outspoken, progressive woman, I froze up and dissociated. Afterwards, I remember questioning whether my response was one of being in shock and afraid for my safety, or if I felt “prudish” if I spoke up and as if I’d be ruining the mood. For a long time, I was embarrassed to admit that while I intellectually knew something wasn’t right, I still failed to call it out in a moment of uncertainty.

That is exactly the concern I have for so many women who may be experiencing sexual strangulation. Affirmative consent is incredibly hard to achieve in these contexts; sexual strangulation is now commonplace and we are not equipped with the sophisticated sex education to match.

In 2022, consent advocate Chanel Contos wrote about this: “Another US study found that 58% of female college students have been choked during sex, further suggesting that this ‘kink’ is becoming increasingly common in younger age demographics. This study found that while many women enjoyed choking, others did it largely to please their sexual partner. This is the real kicker. The problem here is not only that women are being choked during sex without giving consent, but that a lot of the time they are ‘consenting’ not because they derive their own sexual pleasure from it, but because they think it turns the guy on.”

Violence against women and girls has been normalised to such an extent that pornography is convincing us it is normal to be strangled during intimacy, and that we are supposed to like it. I appreciate that messages from leaders like “talk to your kids” are made in good faith, but conversation cannot combat the nature and influence of sex content depicting violence as a standard part of sexual intercourse. We are teaching young men that perpetrating violent acts that have the potential to kill are erotic, and we are teaching women to endure having their lives threatened under the guise of pleasure.

There are people who engage with control of breath as part of particular kinks, but even in acknowledging these consensual engagements, it is important to reiterate that there is no safe way to engage in strangulation.

In response to this expanding dialogue, the social services minister, Tanya Plibersek, has shown her support for Australia to adopt legislation that was introduced to the UK in 2025, making it a criminal offence to possess or publish pornography depicting suffocation or strangulation. I want to add my voice to the many calling for the Albanese government to legislate this imminently.

The government is also, rightly, considering a second significant piece of reform proposed by Contos and her organisation Teach Us Consent. Contos has been campaigning for the government’s digital duty of care legislative drafting to adopt their “Fix Our Feeds” pitch, regulating big tech companies to ensure algorithms are an opt-in feature. This would introduce a consent-based model that allows users to have more control over the information these platforms are serving us, reducing the extremist material that so many are exposed to.

Our government has established that they are willing to take on the regulation of big tech. Australia was the first country in the world to legislate a social media ban for under-16s. We know we have the capability; now it’s time to introduce something that would actually be effective – and give power back to individual users.

These would be two significant steps from the government, after last week’s national cabinet meeting where the prime minister, Anthony Albanese, discussed violence against women and children with state and territory leaders. The subsequent announcements of frameworks and reviews were weak. We need politicians to meet the moment. The safety of women and girls depends on tangible action, now.