My marriage to actress Omoni has no divorce option— Nnamdi Oboli

Nnamdi Oboli, an optometrist, marriage coach, content creator and husband of Nollywood actress, Omoni Oboli, tells NAOMI CHIMA about his career and other issues

What was your upbringing like, and how did it shape you?

I was an introverted child. I was very good academically and didn’t give my parents many problems. I was observant, and growing up was fun because my home was always happy. There was always laughter, music and a lot of closeness among my siblings.

My father was a banker, so we moved around Nigeria whenever he was transferred. I was born in Lagos and initially spoke Yoruba, but when we moved to the East, I gradually lost the language. I had my primary and secondary education in Enugu State before studying optometry at the University of Benin.

I practised for roughly 20 years before moving to Canada. So, my upbringing, education and the different places I lived all contributed to who I am today.

You spent about two decades practising optometry. What made you leave that career and move into marriage coaching and content creation?

Marriage was a major turning point for me. When I got married, I realised that many people entered marriage with very wrong perceptions about what marriage should be. I saw people suffer because of those perceptions. At the time, I was also a new Christian, so I began trying to understand marriage from both a human and biblical perspective.

I started studying what it meant to be a husband. I wasn’t primarily asking, “What should my wife do?” I was asking, “How should I behave towards my wife?”

I began reading Proverbs (a chapter of the Bible) regularly, trying to understand wisdom and what it meant to be a husband. I realised that if marriage is ordained by God, then I needed to go back to God to understand its purpose.

As I interacted with different couples, I began noticing recurring problems. Some were new, but many were simply old problems appearing in new forms because society was changing.

When we lived in England for about three years and later moved to Canada, I realised the problem was even bigger among Nigerians in the Diaspora. When people move from Nigeria to another environment, marriage can take a completely different turn.

I began to see that there was a foundational problem. Some of the things people considered normal in our environment were actually dysfunctional, and those dysfunctions became more obvious when people moved abroad.

That was when I realised that this was bigger than something I could do casually. I needed to dedicate myself to helping people understand marriage better.

Why did you choose a Biblical approach to marriage counselling?

I listened to many marriage coaches. Some were very good, while others were far removed from what I understood to be the biblical position.

I decided that I wanted to remain biblical because I didn’t want to build my teaching simply on my personal experiences or opinions. My marriage is not the ultimate definition of what marriage should be. There has to be something bigger than my own experience. I believe the important question is not, “What has worked for me?” but, “What is true?”

Did living abroad change your perspective on relationships and marriage?

I wouldn’t say living abroad changed my perspective. Reading the Bible and understanding people from a Christian perspective did that.

Human beings are fundamentally the same. Culture may change the way we express certain things, but underneath it all, we are human beings.

When you go to another country, you should be able to take the good aspects of your culture and learn from the good aspects of another culture. That combination can produce something beneficial.

When did you realise people were paying attention to your message?

It actually started with my book, ‘My Life For Better For Us’.

After writing the book, I travelled out of the country and was later invited to a programme where I was interviewed about it. A clip from the interview went viral and got more than two million views on the host’s page. That made me realise people were interested in my perspective on marriage.

What is the hardest part of being a content creator?

Consistency. You wake up, think about what to say, set up the camera, record, edit and make sure the message is right. It can be exhausting.

For me, there is another responsibility. I have to be careful not to present my personal opinion as universal truth.

My experiences do not define truth. If I have a bad habit, I cannot justify it simply because I have lived with it, then teach it to someone else.

Whatever I say about marriage, I am also working on those things in my own marriage. I am not presenting myself as a perfect husband.

I also take responsibility for what I teach because people may act on it. I don’t like making videos and later deleting them because I said something I cannot defend. I prefer to think deeply, make the video once and stand by it.

How do you deal with criticism?

Sometimes, I talk about women and get criticism from women. When I talk about men, I get criticism from men.

I don’t respond to every comment because there are too many, but I see many of them.

The tendency is to become defensive or antagonistic, but that’s not my approach. I would rather explain my position.

My responsibility is to make sure I remain consistent and don’t put out something I cannot defend tomorrow.

You have been married to Omoni for many years. What has kept your marriage strong, especially with both of you working together?

We are good friends. We genuinely love each other.

That is very important. I can be upset with her, but I’m upset with somebody I genuinely like being around. So, the anger doesn’t last.

We also have a principle that we are not going anywhere. There is no Plan B. There is no “I’m done.” Everything is about how we solve the problem.

When you always have an exit door, you may not put in the effort required to solve a problem. But, when you know that you are going to be with this person for the rest of your life, you begin to look for ways to make the relationship work.

Whether we are dealing with marriage or business, we remember that we are husband and wife, and we are friends. We respect and honour each other.

Whatever she does, she does for us. Whatever I do, I do for us. It isn’t about me doing something for myself and allowing her to benefit from it. The mindset is that we are building something together.

How did you meet her?

We met while she was on the set of a movie my uncle was producing.

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We spoke for about five minutes. She told me where she was, but I didn’t see her again for about four years.

When I came back, we started dating. About two weeks after we started dating, I proposed. A few months later, we were married. And, the rest is history.

What would you tell a young man who is talented, broke, in love and confused about marriage?

I would tell him that marriage is not about finding perfect people.

Marriage is about two imperfect people coming together and growing towards the same goal. You are there to sharpen each other.

When I got married, I didn’t have everything. I didn’t have a house, and my business was even struggling at the time.

After we got married, I had to stay with a friend. Later, we got an apartment that was so far away that going to the island could take about five hours.

The struggles were real, but we enjoyed them together. We built together.

We didn’t know exactly what the future would look like. We knew that we loved God, loved each other and believed we were going somewhere together.

What three words would you want your children and grandchildren to use to describe you?

Something simple: godly and loving father.

You have been seen dancing and showing affection publicly. Do you think African men need to become more expressive?

I wouldn’t make a blanket statement about it.

I think everyone should learn to enjoy wherever they are in their journey, but especially enjoy their family.

Don’t make marriage a job. Some men have a provider mentality where they think their only responsibility is to provide for their wife. But if that’s all you do, the relationship can become transactional.

If you can’t dance, that’s fine. Sit together. Talk. Play games. Watch programmes together. Travel together. Have conversations. Learn to enjoy each other’s company.

One day, you will retire, and your children will leave home. If all you built was a system where you provided for your family, you may eventually discover that you have a stranger living with you because you didn’t build friendship and experiences together.

Many marriages struggled during the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown because couples suddenly had to stay together all day. They realised that outside work, school and other activities, they had little relationship.

You should be able to stay with your wife and still enjoy being around her.

I don’t care what the circumstances are. I still enjoy being with my wife, and she enjoys being with me.

What is the biggest lie people believe about marriage today?

One of the biggest lies is the way people talk about marriage as though it is a third person.

People say, “My marriage is not working.” I ask, “What do you mean?” Marriage doesn’t work by itself. Two people work on a marriage.

When someone says, “My marriage is not working,” they often talk about what the other person is doing wrong. They rarely ask, “What am I doing?”

If two people are looking at each other and saying the marriage isn’t working, then at least one of them is not working on it.

How are you raising your sons, especially away from the cameras and social media?

To raise godly children, you have to expose them to Scripture.

We have family devotions and read through the Bible. I prefer going through Scripture from Genesis to Revelation rather than simply picking topics because I want them to understand the entire story and how everything connects.

I don’t want somebody to quote a verse out of context and deceive them. They need to understand where a statement comes from and how it fits into the broader revelation of Scripture.

But beyond education, I want them to be good human beings.

I don’t want to raise a doctor who abuses his wife or an engineer who earns a lot of money but is a terrible steward of wealth. I want them to have moral character.

Have you ever felt like giving up on content creation?

Absolutely. There are days when everything becomes tiring. You have to think about content, shoot, edit and still deal with counselling sessions and coaching.

You are also trying to grow as a parent and as an individual.

The challenge is not simply getting the message; it is understanding how to communicate that message effectively.

How do you relax when you’re not working?

I read a lot, especially theological books. I also listen to a lot of audio material.

I enjoy Christian debates and discussions because they help me think critically and understand different perspectives.

I also watch movies with my sons. My wife and I talk a lot as well.

Even when she travels for work, we remain connected. Sometimes, she will put the phone on while she is doing something, and I will be listening in the background. We talk and share what is happening in our lives.

How does being a grandfather feel?

It has been great. It reminds me that what we are doing goes beyond our children. We are leaving a legacy for another generation.

Everything we do can affect people who haven’t even been born yet. If we raise families that understand marriage, parenting and responsibility better, we are also preparing a better generation for our grandchildren.