The hunk shortage: where are England’s handsomest men hiding?

Hunks of what? Hunks of the male persuasion – masculine, well-built, handsome fellows.

And there’s a shortage of those? A bigger-than-usual shortage? A dire shortage.

Where did all the hunks go? Nobody knows.

So how do we know there’s a shortage? Because the organisers of the Mr England contest are having difficulty attracting sufficient hunks to participate in this year’s competition. Despite the launch of the biennial search over the summer, only seven men have entered the contest.

Seven? Seven so far. Oddly enough, a very similar thing happened two years ago, when men were “a bit shy and slow in coming forward”, according to the organisers.

So what we’re actually talking about is a nation­wide disinclination on the part of men to submit themselves to a competition based on physical appearance. Exactly – a hunk shortage.

I must admit, I’m not terribly surprised. But the Miss England contest, which is run by the same organisers, attracts thousands of entrants each year.

Yeah, still not that surprised. The hunk drought remains a mystery: what happened to England’s strong, chiselled, 17- to 22-year-old men? And why are they so reluctant to take part in a beauty pageant?

What did they do about the lack of interest two years ago? They sent the reigning Miss England, a lifeguard called Milla Magee, to her local beach in Newquay, Cornwall, in search of recruits. Another 100 men joined up as a result of the publicity.

And this year? The Miss England semi-finalists are being asked to nominate their friends and boyfriends.

When is the contest happening? The winner will be crowned on 11 October in Melton Mowbray, Leicestershire.

They’ve left things a bit late, haven’t they? Don’t blame the organisers. How could they possibly have foreseen a second hunk shortage?

Perhaps the cost of signing up is putting men off. It’s free to enter! Just download the Miss England app, upload some headshots …

Don’t you mean the Mr England app? No, it’s all on the same app – the one with the tiara logo. Once you’re on there, you’ll figure it out.

Could that be part of the problem? That the Mr England contest is treated as a mere adjunct to the women’s event? Let’s not jump to conclusions about the causes of the hunk shortage until all the evidence is in.

Do say: “The Mr England competition opens doors for its participants, and offers an opportunity to represent England at an international level.”