Have difficult conversations with your children

You’re living now in a world that’s very different from when you were a child, so you’ll have to go back to first principles when deciding how to raise your children. Especially when teaching them the difference between right and wrong.

Most people assume that’s the same as obeying the law. But something that’s legal may not be moral. Think of apartheid, for example. Instead, teach your children that morality is rooted in universal ethical principles, like equality and democracy. And that we should stick to those principles even when a law violates them.

People only began to think like this recently. Before that, no one questioned evils that had existed for millennia, like slavery, violence and war. But equality and democracy are constantly under threat, so you should encourage your children to become morally knowledgeable.

You can do that by discussing every aspect of their lives with them, because age-appropriate family discussions help children understand social issues. Many parents avoid such subjects completely in family discussions, but children who can talk comfortably about them grow up to be more successful in life. Start when they’re small by making time to listen to them and answer their questions. Even the tricky ones, so when you’re asked where babies come from, give a brief, honest, and age-appropriate answer. Make talking about sex feel absolutely normal.

Answer everything your children ask, about any subject, no matter how difficult. With a little practice, it’s a lot easier than it sounds. And don’t ever knowingly tell them something that’s not true, even with the best of intentions. Especially don’t hide the realities of life from them, like a death in the family. Just answer their questions as truthfully as you can, in simple, honest language.

Let your children express their thoughts and be prepared to hear them disagree with you. Because children who experience respectful dialogue learn to deal with contentious issues better. Teach them about democracy. Small children begin to understand that concept when the family follows the decision of the majority, even though some disagree.

Give your children the choice between some fun events, and have everyone vote for their favourite. Explain that although sometimes we may be disappointed in the outcome, voting is an important right that many people don’t enjoy, especially since in recent years democracy has come under increasing threat. Nationalistic leaders argue for a return to what they call traditional values, based on authority, rather than individual rights and ethical principles.

Our hard-won liberties could easily be reversed, for example by scaremongering politicians bullying us into accepting increased repression in the name of security. Citizens must question their assertions, and you should encourage your children to do the same.

So teach your children never to accept what politicians say without question. Above all, help them to understand that democracy is fundamental to a modern civilised society. And that one day, they’ll be the ones who have to prevent it from being eroded.

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