Violence and its negative impact on health

Her death was a rude shock to Nigerians. She was a renowned gospel musician. The news that filtered through was that her death was due to domestic violence.

Why did she not leave the marriage?

The answer is not far-fetched, no one would invite a divorced gospel musician to their church! This is the hardest part for me because I do not like talking about religion here, but I have to do this.

The stance of the church on “no divorce or separation” has sent many women to early graves. The church should normalise teaching women that they should run for their lives when they are abused in their marriages.

The International Day of Non-Violence is observed globally every year on October 2. It was established by the United Nations General Assembly on June 15, 2007.

The day marks the birth anniversary of Mahatma Gandhi, the leader of the Indian independence movement and a pioneer of the philosophy of non-violence.

Let us look into violence and how it can affect our health.

Violence is the intentional use of physical force or power that results in, or has a high likelihood of resulting in, injury, death, psychological harm or deprivation, as defined by the World Health Organisation.

Violence can take place in a variety of private and public settings, but my emphasis will be on domestic violence.

Domestic violence is violence that occurs within a household setting, such as in a marriage or cohabitation. In a broader sense, abuse, including non-physical abuse in such settings, is called domestic abuse.

Domestic violence can take many forms, and it is not always easy to recognise. In fact, other terms for domestic violence, such as “relationship abuse” and “intimate partner abuse,” help emphasise that abuse does not always involve physical violence. You can also experience relationship abuse if you live in different households.

Relationship abuse can include any behaviour intended to coerce, manipulate, threaten, intimidate or isolate a relationship partner.

In a broader sense, the term can also refer to violence against one’s family members, such as children, siblings, relatives, parents and even roommates.

Domestic violence can look like digital or online abuse, financial abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, mental abuse and emotional abuse.

It is a learned behaviour. In other words, people learn to be violent from the household, community and society that surrounds them. When people witness violence, they may model the same behaviour.

Other factors that may contribute to or escalate aggressive behaviour in relationships may include: drinking alcohol or using other substances, social isolation, jealousy and possessiveness, low self-esteem, emotional dependence on others, general hostility, especially toward the opposite gender, certain personality disorders, including antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.

Examples of relationship abuse include:

Verbal abuse

When someone says things to intentionally scare you, degrade you, or otherwise damage your self-worth. That is considered verbal abuse. Examples include:

Regularly yelling and screaming at you.

Humiliating you in front of other people

Calling you names, swearing at you or using other foul language

Putting down your physical appearance, job, interests or anything else about you, threatening to take your children away or keep you from spending time with them

Physical abuse

Slapping

Kicking

Holding you down

Shoving or pushing you

Pulling your hair

Choking you

Throwing objects at you

Grabbing your face to force you to look at them

Blocking a doorway to prevent you from leaving

Emotional abuse

Guilt-tripping you

Gaslighting you to deny your experiences or past events

Giving you the silent treatment to punish you

Controlling who you spend time with

Isolating you from loved ones

Making threats to get you to act a certain way

Starting rumours about you

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Trivialising your feelings, boundaries or accomplishments

Blaming you for all problems in the relationship

Spying on your devices

Sexual abuse

Unwanted touching or kissing

Refusing to use a condom or other barrier methods

“Stealthing,” or removing a condom or barrier without telling you

Restricting your access to birth control

Unwanted rough sexual activity

Sexual coercion, or pressuring you into performing sexual acts

Forcing you to take sexual photos or sharing explicit photos of you without consent

Pressuring you to send them nude or sexual photos

Forcing you to watch sexually explicit material

Performing sexual acts with you when you are unable to say no — for instance, because you are asleep or intoxicated.

Financial abuse

Telling you to quit your job or calling your boss and quitting on your behalf

Hiding your car or office keys so you can’t go to work

Showing up at your work repeatedly and causing problems so you lose your job

Preventing you from accessing your bank account

Taking your money, debit and credit cards or your wallet

Insisting on taking control of your finances and giving you a set “allowance” each week or month

Using a joint account or your account to make purchases without your consent

Selling your assets or property without your consent

Opening credit cards in your name or insisting you open credit cards for them to use

Refusing to pay child support

Telling you to get a second job so they can quit their job

Making you show them your receipts for every purchase you make

Telling you what you can and can’t purchase with money you earn

Making financial decisions that affect you without getting your consent

Let us see some of its effects on well-being:

Physical consequences of abuse may include: Sprained or broken bones, traumatic brain injuries, sexual dysfunction, which might include loss of interest in sex or difficulty enjoying sex, chronic fatigue, headaches, high blood pressure, chronic pain, heart disease and heart attack.

Abuse can also affect your mental health. According to a 2021 review, women who experienced intimate partner violence report increased symptoms of depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.

This kind of abuse can also cause trouble sleeping, along with feelings of shame, fear and hopelessness, says Sam Nabil, a licensed professional counsellor and CEO of Naya Clinics.

A 2022 study of British adults also found a strong link between intimate partner violence and self-harm, as well as suicidal thoughts and attempts.

What is the way out?

Talk with a therapist or counsellor, trusted friend or family member. It is always worth reaching out, even if you do not recognise common signs of abuse, but things just don’t feel right in your relationship.

If you think someone you know is experiencing abuse but they do not agree, start a non-judgmental conversation and express concern about some of the red flags you have noticed.

Let your loved one know you are there to support them if and when they need it. You can also suggest resources such as domestic violence hotlines, shelters and legal services.

Make sure to check in on their safety regularly.

A study titled The Effects of Violence on Health by Frederick Rivara et al. concludes that consequences include increased incidences of depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder, and suicide; increased risk of cardiovascular disease; and premature mortality