Below Deck Med 11 episode 15 recap: grudge match

“I would prefer to end the season without everything blowing into pieces,” Aesha said during Below Deck Mediterranean season 11 episode 15. Love you, Aesha, but no thanks! Time to blow some things up—or, if you’re Joe, get them run over by boats.

All the guests made it back except one. “Dear Kelli, I do apologize. It wasn’t my intention. But I hope you had a wonderful, wonderful life,” Aesha said, thinking she’d lost a guest. That’s what happens when you give Joe a blow-up toy.

Thankfully, Coopy Howser M.D., as Cooper called himself (“Coop,” no; “Coopy,” yes?) fixed her up with some tape.

Kelli had a great charter, thanks in part to Joy, who declared that just because Kelli was a sex doll with a printout of the guests’ friend on her face didn’t mean Kelli should not eat. So she prepared marzipan spaghetti.

I was waiting for Joy to serve Gen some Play-Doh food, too. Fallout from Luke sending flowers to Joy led to Gen washing Joy’s clothes with rags, and leaving a cute sticky note to take credit. (That sticky note really undercut her weak “I didn’t mean to” apology to Joy!)

Joy told us “I’m starting to build volcano inside” and “I’m going to make her cry,” and you could hear the popcorn being popped across the land.

But because Joy is a professional, she handled it better than I would have: she told Aesha what happened. “If I talk to her, I’m going to make her cry for real,” Joy said. “It’s your department.”

All that came of that was Gen’s weak apology. You know, Gen almost gets me on her side sometimes, like when she said this season’s events have been “bringing up insecurities of mine” (fair!) or “I’ve been a grudge-holder literally since I was a child” (seems like a pattern worth examining!).

But it’s somehow worse to know things about yourself and then do nothing about them except whine. And Gen’s whining is a lot: “I didn’t get second stew, I didn’t get Luke, I hurt my wrist, Kat is mad at me now—what is going right at this point?” she asked.

That she included losing Luke on that list yet also stewed in the laundry room about him. Gen actually texted him about Joy’s flowers: “You made a good decision leaving the boat. It was extremely disrespectful what you did with the flowers today. This will be the only time you hear from me.”

Guess how many times he heard from her after that? And guess how many wildly entertaining things she said after that? So many! For example:

• “Sabrina Carpenter got played by Barry Keoghan. I think I’m doing okay.” I am not sure who Gen is in this metaphor.
• “I used to go out with pro athletes, and I’m losing my fucking mind over Woody from Toy Story.” Can we have some receipts for those athletes, please?
• “I think the stress is making my wrist worse.” Are we sure it’s not the Luke handjob?
• “[Luke] can take that uncircumcised dick and suck it himself.” So is foreskin on her shit list now, too?
• “That was humiliating,” Gen told Aesha. “With everything with my wrist and just not getting the things I wanted out of this season, it’s so hard to want to be here any more.” Fun fact: It also seems hard for anyone to want you you to be there any more, which is why Aesha locked you away in the laundry room!

Somehow, Gen’s pity party was not the most pettiness on the Good Ship Captain Sandy. Nathan is continuing to prove he’s terrible at his job.

At one point, Captain Sandy said, “What I love about Nathan: He can reset. The minute Nathan releases, which is very quickly, he can stay professional. That’s why Nathan’s the bosun.”

I really hope that’s a sentence she regrets today. Also Luke releases much faster than Nathan and he’s not even on the ship, so that’s not great criteria.

But unlike Below Deck’s new captain, Captain Sandy is actually doing something about her team’s dysfunction. Nathan gives Joe a six-hour anchor watch, which is unusual. Sandy learned of it and was like WTF NO and told Nathan to use Joe’s schedule.

“You’ve got to get your shit together,” Sandy told Nathan multiple times, and, spoiler alert, he never did. The fact that she had to tell him, “I want you to make decisions based on what’s safer for the guests” means he shouldn’t be in that job. And throw in the way he runs and whines to his own crew (“Stop thinking about it, man. It’s not going to help you,” Massi told Nathan), and it’s just embarrassing.

Also embarrassing: Sandy had Joe retrieve his schedule, and of course Joe was thrilled. “What I like is no egos, and everybody just be a team,” Captain Sandy told Joe, who said, “exactly,” and then quickly hid all the knives he was preparing to stab in people’s backs, and also crumpled up the PrintShop banner he printed saying JOE IS A BETTER BOSUN THAN NATHAN LOSER

“This worked really well. And I want you to do this,” Sandy told Nathan.” On my computer, you can change the names.” Nathan’s response: “I don’t need your computer; I have my own computer.”

I wish she’d fired him on the spot. Instead, she said, “Stop being like that. It’s going to piss me off.” Going to? C’mon, Sandy!

Other blow-ups this week on Below Deck Med:

• Luke called Joy to tell her, “I don’t have time for drama,” and of course calling her was creating drama. I can’t believe we still have to watch that dolt just because no one told Joy why he really quit.
• Aesha and Scott want a traditional and nomadic life—a tramadic life, she said, until she realized that sounded like traumatic, which is somehow perfect for Aesha.
• Joy: “How old is Massi? 34? 35?” Producer: “He’s 26.” Joy: “WHAT?!”
• Producer: “If you weren’t a yachtie, what would you do?” Massi: “I don’t know. OnlyFans?”
• The cliffhanger involves a guest who popped a bone through their arm or something, thanks to Joe hitting wake while dragging around the spinny floaty thingy. “This is one of those situations where you can’t pinpoint the blame—unless you’re Nathan,” Joe said, blaming Nathan. Oh, delusional Below Deck crews, never change!

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